BENGALURU: It’s a new year, one that we start with hope and optimism, especially in terms of love lives.
Despite all the reports we keep hearing about men misbehaving; when it comes to approaching someone, women definitely have way more balls than men. Or at the very least, they know how to do it right. So guys (and girls), listen up on what to do. And what not to do to break the ice.
LOOKING
DO: Make Eye Contact.
If you receive it, smile. If she responds, you have what I call “the window of opportunity.” Act fast. Smile a lot and act like you’re having fun, even if you’re with that boring coworker. You’re subconsciously attracted to those women because they’re chatting and laughing with friends. Now reverse that and ask yourself if you seem appealing?
DON’T: Stare.
We do this anywhere anytime we see desis. I call it “the look.” You know when you’re in a mall in Las Vegas on a holiday and you see brown people? Your brain quickly registers...oh look, Indians? It’s okay to do that, but look for the smile and act fast. Else move on before you look like a creepy insecure weirdo. Also don’t do “the scan” where you’re constantly looking around the bar for hot girls. Women are also paying attention to you. So stop it. You’re not the terminator.
APPROACHING
DO: Greet
Say Hi. Hello. Namaste. Ask what her name is. Avoid pickup lines, she already smiled back. Many people think they have to be quick, witty, funny. In time you will be, young skywalker. The art of conversation and basic human interaction is slowly dying, so those who still remember what we learned in second grade will do well. As I'm writing this in an airport lounge in Hong Kong, a lady just dropped her boarding pass. I ran to give it back, but she was at first startled, then relieved, then super sweet and we exchanged a few words. There was no point of flirting here, but it just reminded me how wound up we are with our own spaces.
DON’T: Be Freaky
Walk over with eight of your guy friends. Don’t take four shots before you walk up because you’re looking for courage in a bottle. If in office or somewhere else, don’t Facebook add and start messaging on office communicator before you’ve even shared ten words together. The guy who installed her desktop already did that and now he’s on probation.
CONVERSATION
DO: Be Easy
Ask the obvious questions (what do you do, what’s your name), but only in the beginning. If she asks you questions in return, then that’s a positive sign. If she only replies back with short answers, get the hint that she wants to leave. If you don’t know what to say, talk about the news, what’s a good drink here and so on.
DON’T: Keep talking about yourself.
Don't make jokes about yourself that show you’re doubtful. For example: “I hope I’m not bugging you, haha, JK, want a shot?” Don't slouch. Body posture is so underrated, but most guys are taller than women. And you leeching down just looks even worse.
(Born in New York, the writer of this column is a stand-up comedian based in Bengaluru. He is popular for his sketches on city life, modern relationships and everyday absurdities. Follow him on Twitter at @smanak.)