BENGALURU : I am a person of advancing years. I’ll pause for a moment so you can all jump in to reassure me that I don’t look a day over 23. But alas, dear reader, my greying hair and growing conviction that legislation should be passed to make muumuus (fancy word for nightie) acceptable workwear say otherwise. Plus there’s the small incident from a few months ago, when two giggling millennials informed me at an office event that no-one used the word ‘smooch’ anymore. Apparently, ‘laid it on’ is the phrase du jour. Whatevs. What? No one’s saying that either? Allow me another moment, while I sob quietly into my clueless pillow.
Thank you.
Sniff. As the mother of two growing boys, I realise how important it is to keep with the times, to know what shows are ‘in’, which YouTubers are ‘lame’ and who the coolest Avenger is. Some things are a chore, the Avengers item on the list is not. Dr Strange and Black Panther are *fiiiiiiiiine*. What, no one’s saying that anymore either? FINE!
Of course, not all these sessions are successful. I suck at bey blade, find Pokemon cards tedious and Minecraft incomprehensible. The mother in me refuses to play bed wars and destroy bed. Beds are to be made. However, my kids’ latest obsession I figured I could master.
The floss.
Not floss, which is a soft thread of floss silk or similar material used to clean between the teeth, but THE floss. A dance move, in which a person swings their arms, with clenched fists, from the back to the front of their bodies. I’ll admit, for a few weeks, I was concerned that my children were afflicted in some way as I saw them repeat the aforementioned movement on loop. When I asked them what the problem was they said they were ‘flossing’.
‘You’re flossing your butt?’
‘Don’t be gross Amma. It’s a dance from Fortnite.’
Fortnite for those of you who don’t know is an online multiplayer, world building, shooting game which everyone in the world is playing. My kids don’t have it or play it, but thanks to school they have learned the dance moves popularised by the game. I mean sure, they can’t be bothered to learn HCF or verb conjugation, but how does that matter?
There are other steps in the game, bizarrely named Orange Justice, Breakin’ and Take the L. The last dance step is an elegant move in which one grabs their crotch with one hand and forms an L on their forehead with the other, and then proceeds to kick their legs out on the side.I know I shouldn’t have, but I felt this was an area of their lives I could contribute to.
‘Boys look! This is called the chakki! Oh and look. I’m flying a kite now AND dancing!’
As I danced with what can only be called abandon, I realised the boys were giggling. A feeling of dread and deja vu washed over me.‘Amma. NO ONE dances like that anymore.’You know what? Stuff your *Take the L* and *Wiggle*. I am retiring to my corner of the 90s when Sunny Deol stamping his feet like there were bulldog ants crawling about was considered cool.
I’m the only one who thinks that? Whatevs.