Love in a #MeToo moment

The buzz around the #MeToo movement in India is so much louder, widespread and impactful than ever before.
Love in a #MeToo moment

BENGALURU: The buzz around the #MeToo movement in India is so much louder, widespread and impactful than ever before. There is such a strong wave of outrage with so many people talking about what they have gone through, and demanding validation of their experience and for the violators to be held accountable.

The outrage is shared by a large majority of us and we often add our voices in support of the one coming out with these harassment claims, and we demand that the ones accused act on it. We ask for acknowledgment, for an apology, for redressal and accountability. We demand social action if not legal action.

The question we are asking today is what happens to you if your loved one is the accused one? What do you do if someone comes out and discloses that your loved one has been horrible to them, has harassed them, or worse?
Of course, a lot depends on the severity of the abuse being reported, but that said, do we immediately, and without question, side with the one we love and look for ways to bolster our collective defence? Do we rush out to claim the high ground, and look at ‘facts’ and how we can repudiate the claims being made?

Or, do we try and balance our love for this person, while also holding up the rights of the one who is  reporting harassment?
It is often such a difficult choice. This alleged harasser is someone we love dearly, and the instinct is often to be strongly defensive, to add to any denial that the alleged harasser might be in, to protect one’s turf for fear of consequences, if not to protect one’s reputation. Yet, we also know that it must be so hard for the one who has gone through abuse to speak up. For any other accused, we would be saying they need to be heard, their pain needs to be validated, their truth must be acknowledged, then why not here?

Can our love be big enough to love in a #MeToo moment?
Whether it is oneself or one we deeply love, ideally what we need to look at is to rise above this urge to defend. We may have very different ‘facts,’ a very different ‘truth’ and yet, instead of being defensive, can we really listen? Can we see that many times, even if there is no intent to hurt or harm, there might actually be some hurt caused? Can we listen clearly enough to realise there might be some responsibility that one is to take? Can we then have the courage to acknowledge it fully, and then to apologise, without any ‘Ifs’ or ‘buts’?

Can we help someone we love break through their instinct to defend themselves, to see what was happening?

Loving someone through a #MeToo moment does not have to be either defending together, or abandoning to join the accusers to bay for their blood. We can collectively heal, and our love can help, if we allow it to rise above the defensiveness and the fear.

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