BENGALURU: I have never had a dog as a pet. There are two primary reasons for this – economic and ethical.The economic reason is easier to explain. Having a pet was expensive, and the topic was never raised. Which is not to say we were animal-haters of any sort. My father would pet a white stray dog named Tipu on his way back from office. On some days, we would give it biscuits (‘Yes, three WILL be enough. Now put them back!’).
That was the closest I have come to having a pet, but I have had a few dog friends. Kimbo Slice, the legendary dog in my university canteen – was a good friend. On good days, I was Jackie Shroff and he was Moti from Teri Meherbaniyan.
Which then brings me to the second reason – ethical. Deep within my heart, I believe dogs have sold their souls out for comfort. It is something that people don’t often address. At first, the idea seems unthinkable. I suspect you bought into it too, dear reader. All the taglines – ‘Man’s best friend’. All the idioms – ‘As faithful as a dog’ – they led you into believing dogs are great friends.
It is here that I put forth a theory I have thought long and hard about. Dogs took the easy way out. Researchers at Harvard Medical School and the Broad Institute speculate that dogs could have befriended man 40,000 years ago. They had a knack for foresight, I’ll give dogs that much. They saw the potential in human beings and befriended them, thereby letting go of their basic instincts.
Dogs used to hunt in packs, protect their territory, participate in the mating ritual – like all life on earth. Today, they are comfortable lazing all day, waiting for food to be served, and sacrificing their primeval need to procreate. The latter is the aspect of having a pet that baffles me. It’s like saying ‘I love my dog. I love my dog so much I’m never letting him procreate. Ever’.
Dogs also have posh names given to them. Do you know the kind of privilege that is, to have a name of your own? There are species out there that if you begin to name according to the Kauravas, you would run out. And fancy names, too! Never have I seen a pet dog with a normal sounding name – Ramesh, Suresh, or Ramu. It’s always something posh, like Whiskey. Or Margarita. Or iPhone XS Max.
That is perhaps the reason I respect cats. They might have gotten domesticated, but they don’t let it show on their faces. You’ll never find a cat wagging its tail after seeing you. They have retained their self-respect.
Dogs made that decision 40,000 years ago, choosing comfort over their identity. Life was cruel to those that didn’t comply with the Dog-Man Friendship Agreement. Dire wolves went extinct, and wild wolves are endangered. Jackals are doing alright demographically, but their reputation is tarnished as the ‘cunning jackal’.
While they might all belong to the ‘wolf family’, the dog is the one that went abroad, got a comfortable job, and forgot its roots. I suspect that is the reason the hyenas are laughing. They are being sarcastic. They’re saying to dogs – ‘Look at us. We live life on our own terms. We did not sell ourselves out like you. Heeheee. Heehee. Heehee.’
The author is a writer and comedian.