Fifty years ago, men were decision makers at home and women had no choice but to follow it. Not much has changed even today.
International Women’s Day is just a couple of days away and CE finds that the right to choose is still a luxury for most women.
CHENNAI: Feminism in its distilled form came to the forefront only in recent years, with the movement receiving a boost in support from liberal activists across the globe. Though a male-dominated, patriarchal society still prevails, the situation has improved a lot. But back in the day, women had no voice, zero fi nancial independence, right to employment was unheard of and their own opinion was a foregone conclusion. Oldtimers from that era share with CE their opinion on women’s rights.
“It’s true; decisions were made by the male elders and the tradition continued until recently,” says Raghavendra C K (68), a retired engineer from the city. “We did not deem it necessary that women work or pursue a career. Given the choice between work and family, it was natural to assume women would choose the latter, and yes, they did! My wife also did. Years later, when we were talking to our daughter, my wife told me that she would have liked to work at some point in her life. I was shocked.” In some other families, where sons and daughters were given equal education, the girls had to be married off at a ‘certain age’. Says 76-year-old Vijaya (name changed), “Despite coming from a family that educated all its members (including women), I was arranged to be married off the moment I fi nished my graduation.
They did not ask me if I had plans to study further — it was decided that I’d become a house wife.” Vijaya was good at sports in college, but the lack of opportunities for women did not offer any scope for a career. “And you could say it was the norm then. Nobody challenged it, at least not that I knew of ! Since I didn’t think I had a choice, even I did not say anything about it,” she adds. Due to gender biases then, women were paid considerably less than their male peers. You would think that this mindset changed 50 years since, but no! Dr Mini Rao, a psychologist, says, “It is good that women have become resentful nowadays but there are a few who are still not given a choice and are forced to choose family over career, despite being interested in leading an independent life.” Pointing to the joint family system that still prevails in many parts of the country, Dr Mini, strongly agrees that this set up does not suit women.
“Technology plays a major role in inspiring women. Social media has become a platform to know more about what is happening around the world, and help us understand what best we can do as an individual,” she adds. Rohini Nair (72) rues that despite being a law graduate, she was not allowed to practice, and could never have her own savings. “I was given some money by my husband, but that is not the same as being fi nancially independent. I would’ve liked to earn something on my own, so that I wouldn’t have to explain why I wanted the money each time. That’s why I’m happy that women today are at the forefront of sharing fi nancial responsibilities.” Her son Sashikumar (53) says his relationship with his wife is based on certain ideals that his parents were most likely not privy to those days.
“My late father was a disciplinarian; so it was not a surprise that we were scared of him. His word was law in the house, and my mother could only raise slight objections in any matter. This was the accepted norm!” he recalls. “But while I was growing up, I realised that there were a lot more important things than just confi ning women to the kitchen. By seeing your parents work, you can set the right example to your children and also show how equality works in society. Every decision in the household should be taken jointly.” Many women, including activists and social workers believe that Nirbhaya’s case four years ago altered society’s perception of morality and women for the better.
Says Lavanya Narayan, a feminist who conducts workshops for women in the city, “Before Nirbhaya, people said women need to dress properly to avoid being raped. After that, however, I saw a change in society. But still, my main concern is that even today women are not given a choice to do what they want to do!” For those women who choose to be homemakers, Vijaya has an excellent suggestion. “Why shouldn’t homemakers get a salary or some sort of compensation to remain fi nancially independent? Men should recognise the multiple roles housewives juggle. Only when change starts at home can it change those around us.” Well said, Vijaya!