CHENNAI : Parents of very young children are familiar with their wards’ fondness for kicking, screaming, and general arm-flailing. It is likely, that such parents have read in a well-intentioned parenting bible, online article or Instagram post, that they should try saying ‘I know you’re feel frustrated. I want you to use your words’ in soothing tones while Celtic harp music plays in the background, and pixies sprinkle magic dust around, immediately defusing the situation.
The child, on hearing these words will immediately stop acting like Atila the Hun, and verbalise their feelings with such profundity that it will go viral on social media and two million people will share it, attributing the quote to the Dalai Lama, Stephen Hawking and Shakespeare.
Well, I was once one of those parents. And I too said this to my children. Unfortunately, things didn’t pan out as in the above scenario. Instead, what has happened is that my children, now older, use their words, and articulate their feelings, even when not invited to do so.
Last week, as I attempted to join a conference call, my seven-year-old son wanted me to play ‘Angry Birds — Battle to the End’ in which we would bludgeon each other with Angry Birds plush toys. As my spiel on collaborations progressed in an increasingly shrill voice, the rules of the game were presented to me with correspondingly loudness. I finally had to lock myself in the bathroom, only to have the door pounded on with the force of the Uruk Hai trying to enter Helm’s Deep. Except here, two young Orcs who wanted to know ‘Susu or potty?’ and ‘Why are you taking so long? Do you have loosies?’
Of course, when I came out I looked like my Eye of Mordor was about to open and incinerate both of them. Halfway through my lecture on ‘What were you thinking interrupting my call?’
My seven-year-old butted in.
“You’re always working. You don’t ever play with us anymore. You
don’t care!”
I changed track and tried the “Amma has a job” trope. I was met with:
“You don’t have to work. Let
Appa work.”
Of course, my ‘let’s nip patriarchy and stupid men in the bud’ alarm went off, so I tried “I like my job and I’m
good at it, and I want to work. Ammas can work, and Appas can cook and clean and...”
“If you love your job so much why are you always scowling at your screen and muttering to yourself?”
At this point my 10-year-old joined in.
“Also, you’re being a hypocrite you know. Limited screen time for us but YOU get to look at your laptop all the time. And it’s not all work, you were looking at pictures of some strange lady’s wedding most of last week.” (Sonam, please to explain meaning of #everydayphenomenal.)
“Well I...”
“So you’re being dictatorial and a party pooper.”
At this point I feel cornered. My arms begin to flail around and I believe I kicked the waste basket over. I may have snapped a pencil in half.
“Amma, if you want to say something, use your words.”
Somewhere, a pixie is laughing like a maniac.