Last week I signed a consent form for my older son to attend a ‘Growing Up’ session in his school. The form explained that the session would help students understand the physical and emotional changes they would encounter in the coming years.Basically, it was Sex-Ed. Or, as my son informed me, it was THE TALK, which is apparently what it’s called by the worldly wise middle schoolers on the bus.
Strangely enough, just the week before my husband and I had sat him down and had the same chat with him. It wasn’t planned or scheduled, but something in a conversation I’d had with him earlier in the evening that triggered the decision that NOW was the right time. I can admit with some contrition that I did not give my partner any prior intimation and he was only aware that we would be imparting the facts of life after we’d all sat down and I’d started talking.
My son took It remarkably well. After all, he’d been reading ‘Just for Boys’ a book about puberty and adolescence that I had casually left in his cupboard. We’d also chatted about periods after watching an episode of Anne with an E on Netflix together. He knew about sperms and eggs. And thanks to our young puppy who enjoys nothing more than humping cushions and chair legs, he knew about erections and urges.
The talk was more to tie it all in together for him, and to drill into his head emotions, friendship, respect, consent and being at least 30 were all mandatory before embarking on a romantic relation. None of us were traumatised by the chat, though my son did look upset when I answered his question ‘Do you get periods too?’ with an affirmative.
So, it was with surprise that I read the reactions of some parents to the news of the session on WhatsApp. Some rightfully wanted more details about who would be conducting the session and what exactly would be covered. I could sense their trepidation that their children might learn more than they assumed they were ready for. Other parents were glad that the burden had been lifted off their shoulders and that they wouldn’t have to have ‘the talk’ themselves. Perhaps the mixed bag of reactions was reflective of the emotions felt on realising that their children were growing up. ‘No, No!’ it’s almost as if they were saying, ‘My baby can’t be old enough for this yet. She just learned to walk on her own yesterday.’
Sure, the thought of telling your children how babies are really made, and then watching as their brains make the connection to how THEY were made can be excruciating - but only if you let it. My advice? Keep it simple, keep it light, keep it funny. Answer their questions as honestly as you can, don’t brush anything off. And if your child’s school is organising a session, ask your child questions about it, and let them know that you’re available for any questions they may have. When my son smirked a little and said ‘But I already know all of this!’ I resisted the urge to correct this notion. Oh child, how little you know. I suppose that’s what they call the confidence of youth.