The Life and Lies Of Tinder: A journey
By lK Nirupama ChandralK Nirupama ChandralK Nirupama | Express News Service | Published: 13th February 2018 10:49 PM |
HYDERABAD: In the age of matrimonial websites, why do people shy away from dating apps? There is something about Tinder, that screams taboo. For all the clueless souls out there, Tinder is a dating app that provides a platform for you and the people in your vicinity (around 5 km) to connect. It has profile cards that show you a person’s name, age and proximity along with a picture. You can either swipe right, if you are interested or left if you are not. Tinder is not just used for dating, but more. Chances are, you would find the love of your life, but don’t get your hopes too high. More often than not, they end up in a poorly planned date that can go either way. It is also the leading cause of one night stands.
There are times when you see a cute boy, and you imagine a thousand different scenarios in your head – you run into each other, he catches you as you fall and looks into your eyes - there’s Mozart’s Symphony 19 playing in the background and you think “This is it.” – but it really isn’t. You walk out of this day dream and away from the cute guy and that’s the end of the story.
Tinder a Journey:
The first step is to gather the courage to install Tinder. You will have an on again and off again relationship with Tinder which is worse than Ross and Rachel’s. Most users take Tinder in small doses. Upon installing Tinder, they will feel a huge sense of accomplishment but soon, they will uninstall it out of sheer disappointment or frustration and not long after that they will re-install it. “I install and uninstall Tinder like how I change my handbags. It’s just meaningless conversations for a while after which either or both of us will get bored.”, says a 19 year old who has been on Tinder since one year.
You can log into Tinder using your Facebook ID and password. After this you can go through some settings to select the gender you are interested in, and the area within which you want Tinder to search for profiles. The distance settings can vary from 5 kilometres to a 100 km.
On Tinder you have to put your,self out there, but subtly and gracefully. You have a profile card which is displayed to other the users around you and that is what they are going to swipe left or right to. This begins with choosing the right pictures and a good 500 word description to make yourself seem interesting. Tinder, like the beautiful country we live in is one diverse place. You will find people who put “Sapiosexual” (attracted to intelligent conversation) in their description without knowing what it means and people whose grammar looks like it was hit by a truck, all broken. Don’t be that guy. You will find guys who either have a picture with their mother, or simply of their ‘assets’, girls who are ‘not here for hook-ups’ and want to ‘split the bill’.
The most frequently used words in the description section would be anything to do with travelling, beer, food or their love for pets and somehow this is what people find most attractive, raise the bar you people. There are people who get special DSLR photoshoots from their photographer friends or even a full face of makeup for a perfect selfie that shows everything but their face. Quit Googling quotes to insert in that 500 word description because there’s a secret to crack this – the simplest picture of you with an honest write up,and topping it off with a little humour makes the perfect profile card.
Once you clean up your profile, the swiping game starts - left, left, right, left and it goes on until you find a match.
He looks like a creep-swipe left, he looks like an Indian version of Channing Tatum (believe us, they exist) -swipe right and so it continues. You will get a match only if the person you swiped right to has also swiped right to you. You may find your happily ever after, but beware: Tinder is not for the emotionally weak because there are more chances of you finding a friend with benefits rather than a boyfriend or a girlfriend. . Guys, you’re in for a ride on Tinder.
“The Tinder experience varies vastly from guys to girls. The ratio of the number of guys to girls is staggering. After a point of time guys will not have profiles to swipe, but the girls will have an endless supply of profiles,” says a 20 year old man who has been on Tinder for two months.
You’re more likely to run out of girls to swipe because of there are fewer girls on Tinder which means, you will have to increase your proximity settings to the maximum to get more girls’ profiles.
The texting begins once you match with someone. Tinder gives you suggestions on how to start the conversation – as if we weren’t already second guessing ourselves. Your mind will be plagued with doubts on how to start the conversation - should I say hi? Or is that too little? Will I come on too strong if I make the first move?
Some girls feel that saying hi shows that he isn’t willing to make an effort while some feel that if they start a conversation with a long message it shows that they’re desperate. Guys, beware because you can never do anything right sometimes, or should we say all the time?
These conversation starters are a riot more often than not. There are entire pages on Instagram dedicated to conversation starters on Tinder.
You come across a plethora of guys on Tinder – some will make you laugh while the others will make you cringe (unfortunately, you’re more likely to come across guys of this kind). Some come up with witty one liners while some just ask you when and where you want to meet. Some ask you if you’re into threesomes while others ask you if you want to go a road trip with them. “Asking a girls number after saying hello is not done. It just sends desperate vibes if the other girl isn’t as interested in you.“, says an 18 year old Tinderite.
You have to wait for the right time, right situation where you ask a girl her number, either through an excuse of the app not functioning well or by showing a genuine interest in the person. When you see a window of opportunity, grab it. But there’s one thing about Tinder, always be ready to get rejected, be it for her phone number, a date or a sleepover *wink wink*.
It may seem like you have sealed the deal when you ask her for a date and she says ‘yes’ but you may end up waiting in the restaurant for hours, because sometimes they just don’t turn up. Other Times when they do turn up, you have to up your game and keep the conversation going. When things click, they click and a girl knows it when that happens, the conversation is smooth and full of cheerful laughs and not awkward pauses.
The dating culture in Hyderabad is fairly obvious when people walk into a bar, a restaurant or a movie theatre. When we talk about sex and our city, it’s no secret that couples take long drives to lake sides or mall parking lots for some romance (and more), yet people on Tinder are judged indiscriminately – the most common perception being that you’re a slut in case you’re a girl and desperate for action if you’re a guy. And the best part, very few people who are out on a date would admit that they met on Tinder - not a 70s man or a millenia girl.
“I use Tinder primarily to hook up. I am not there to find my happily ever after nor am I there for wonderful conversations.”, says Vaibhav, a 20 year old student who has been on Tinder on and off since the past two years. Tinder is actually used for these purposes and there are very few people can actually it. But there isn’t a need to be a total pessimist and cynical about this arrangement. When it clicks, it clicks. A couple that met on Tinder two years ago are going to get married this year. Happy endings are not so hard after all and all you single ladies and gentlemen out there - do not lose hope.