A Tailormade Approach to Polls - The New Indian Express

A Tailormade Approach to Polls

Published: 30th March 2014 06:00 AM

Last Updated: 30th March 2014 01:28 AM

“Hello, what’s up?”

“Hey. Sorry, can’t talk much. Very busy with the elections.”

“You and elections? I didn’t know that you were even interested in politics.”

“Of course, I am. I have many friends in politics and election time is a particularly busy period for me. You know, I sell Indian clothes at my boutique. Well, all the politicians’ wives pick up their election wardrobe from me. As a special favour, I replace the georgettes with linen. The clothes don’t fall as well, but they don’t mind. Some of them ask for khadi, but that I refuse to do. ….This year, I’m playing a bigger role than usual in the polls. Many of my friends are contesting, you see.”

“Who are these friends?” 

“Hemaji, Bappiji, Moon Moonji, Rakhiji. Really, I’m too, too busy.”

“Sorry to be obtuse, but what exactly do you do?”

“Arrey, all of them need me by their side on the campaign. You may not know this but when you stand for election, you are given a ‘constituency’. It’s a place. You have to visit that place and make the people who live there vote for you. Since it’s a new place and no one knows you there, it’s important to make a good impression. My clothes help my friends make that impression. I go along with my masterji and make any alterations that are required… I just went with Hemaji, for instance, to her constituency, Mathura; you know, the city of Radha, Krishna.”

“What did you do there? For that matter, what did Hema Malini do there? What does she know about Mathura, or politics?”

“What are you saying? I think giving her that constituency was so clever; she has performed the Radhakrishna ballet so many times. Oh, we had a fab time, we went all around the city in a black Audi decorated with orange and yellow marigolds. People kept staring and rushing to the car but we had two police escort jeeps and a group of bouncers formed a chain around Hemaji anytime she stepped out of the car.”

“You mean to make speeches at road corners?”

“Oof. Obviously not. The roads are so dirty; why would she step out there? The Audi had an open roof, so she could easily stand in the car and be seen by everyone. But she did come out when we reached the Banke Bihari temple. That is a must in Mathura, you know, and everyone in the BJP is so dharmic... I must admit that I had the most fun with Bappiji, though. He’s so cute. When I said I couldn’t go with him on this trip, he started singing Yaar bina chain kahan re. Even in the constituency, he kept singing songs from Disco Dancer, that old Mithun film. I don’t usually do men’s clothing but Bappiji is such a doll, and has such keen fashion sense that he always challenges me. I’ve put together a special wardrobe for his campaign. I’ll send you pictures; you must tell me what you think. “

“What is his constituency?”

“Ummm, Sri-something. It was going to Rakhiji but she chose Mumbai instead. I’m so glad. Next week, I’m going with Moon Moonji to some other place in Bengal. She was saying her girls also need clothes. I love elections, don’t you?”


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