How do i control my ego ?
Dear Readers,
The term EGO is widely used but rarely understood. We use this word almost 90% of the times to describe NEGATIVE BEHAVIOUR, whereas on the contrary, it refers to a POSITIVE aspect.
The term EGO is derived from a LATIN word which means “I”. “I” doesn’t point to a negative aspect, it refers to IDENTITY. Simply put, EGO means ME. As every individual is unique, the best way we can distinguish ourselves is what EGO facilitates. For example, MY EGO is that I’m a LIFE COACH. But due to usages over time, it now refers to the concept of EGOTISM in which, an individual is selfish, self-centred or has a superiority complex.
We want to be the BEST. We don't develop the SPIRIT OF COLLABORATION but choose COMPETITION. We sometimes pretend to be something we are not and point fingers at others to cover our faults. Each of us have our own EGO but we’re bothered about the shortcomings of the EGO of others. This is where our journey towards EGOTISM begins.
Downsides of being EGOISTIC
Once this is understood, half the battle is won. Because EGOTISM leads to complications and challenges.The most devastating downside is that you become a JERK. This happens as you’re too selfish. Not only do you become unpopular, but lose out on getting any kind of help which might prove difficult when you're in an emergency. On a personal level too, it spells trouble. The biggest damage EGOTISM does is causing individuals to over-think and lose their peace of mind, as they are constantly competing with others. They try to find avenues in order to feel better about themselves and slowly start to ignore reality, especially those factors that undermine them or doesn’t FEED THEIR EGO.
So how do we control it then?
The first tip, I can offer, reminiscing my Grandfather, which is also one of my principles in life is NEVER OVER ESTIMATE OURSELVES & UNDER ESTIMATE OTHERS. Stay grounded. When you are aware that others who are better than you are around, not only will you focus on the betterment of yourself but will also focus on your results. You’ll give your best shot in whatever you do as you’re not distracted by any negativity.
Next tip your EGO in check is to IMAGINE your EGO as another entity or person altogether. Once you do this, imagine how that person (EGO) is behaving in your world and the reactions people around show. This will make you aware of your negatives which will help modify your behaviour for the better.
When we over value ourselves, which is a affect of EGOTISM, we feel we are perfect and blame others for our faults. Make an effort to STOP BLAMING others. Put in efforts to rectify them on your own. This has two advantages, one you’ll become more responsible and own up for your incapabilities and you’ll develop INITIATION SKILLS which is a leadership quality.
My Final Word
We all have ego. The purpose that we have assigned to it makes the difference. It is often said that when we REPLACE “I” with “WE” even ILLNESS becomes WELLNESS. Let’s forget COMPETITION and focus on COLLABORATION. That is when we will justify the existence of our EGOS and make the world a better place.
With Regards,
Adarsh Benakappa Basavaraj
The Coach
My family is restrictive. For example, they do not want me to learn how to drive, I am good at academics but they discourage me by saying I should get a job at a bank rather than an MNC. It takes a toll on my self-esteem Bond bound
Your parents are too protective and love you too much. I’m guessing you are a single child. If my guess is right then the pressure is even more on them to ensure that you’re safe and not influenced by SOCIAL EVILS (pick up bad habits or get influenced by the wrong group). Since they are already stressed to ensure that you’re protected, chances are they might unknowingly become OVER PROTECTIVE & restrict you for things they might not be comfortable with.
It’s not that they don’t want you to drive or be independent, they’re worried about the age you’re in where one tends to be HOT BLOODED leading to rash decisions which you might put you in danger.
In majority of cases, people working in MNC’s are often influenced by the Western culture and habits. Like partying and drinking. It is a highly stressful job which gives you good money but bad health. With the money you might indulge in a lifestyle that appears very glamorous but will destroy your values in the longer run. Am not saying THIS WILL HAPPEN, I’m just saying this based on my experience where parents have expressed this to me when they get their children for counselling.
Anyway, here’s my advice. The first thing I want you to understand is the value of MATURITY. Until you start behaving maturely and responsibly, your parents will always be restrictive as they will still see the KID in you. When you start becoming responsible, get serious and keep your promises, your parents will automatically treat you like an adult. And you’ll slowly get freedom. But remember it doesn’t happen overnight, which is where I come to my next point...
Have PATIENCE. You have to wait and do things with their blessings rather than being rebellious and fighting for something. It’ll always create an air of discomfort at home. Just because some of your other friends do something doesn’t necessarily mean you have to do it too. So hold on! You’re parents will definitely buy you a car in due course of time. When they feel the time is right and you have followed my first point.
Finally, if you’re over 23-25 and are still facing restrictions at home, you need to have an open discussion with them and understand their concerns first. Then you need to be able to convince them otherwise. This will only happen, if you follow my first two points again. It’s all linked.
I feel bad if somebody says anything about me. I’m a sensitive girl, how do I handle it? Tearing up
You cannot PLEASE everyone. There will be people who will TAKE A DIG at you or make you feel bad. Never allow that to dent your confidence or esteem. Tell yourself, “It’s okay. They don’t know me that’s why they’re doing this." It will ease your mind.
Think calmly and differentiate between the people who are doing this with a positive intention and a negative one. People who are jealous or jobless will try to pull you down as they are incapable themselves. Remember the saying IGNORANCE IS BLISS and ignore them. Next come people like your family members who are talking about you with a positive intention. For example, they might tease you that you’re too thin or fat because you don’t eat or eat a lot. They might just be concerned about your health and are doing it for your betterment, so that it sinks in and you change. This is just an example, but the reasons might vary. Also remember, there might be cases where you’re already doing something, like following a proper diet (linking it to my earlier example) but people aren’t aware and are still commenting. You need to inform them that you’re already putting in efforts for the same.
Last but not the least, irrespective of who talks what. If you just calmly tell them that you appreciate the concern and have taken their suggestion, it’ll surely shut their mouths and make them feel embarrassed. Let DIPLOMACY work its MAGIC. Ignore people who talk behind your back, they’re not worth it. If they were really concerned, they would have told you directly.
You cannot PLEASE everyone. There will be people who will TAKE A DIG at you or make you feel bad. Never allow that to dent your confidence or esteem. Tell yourself, “It’s okay. They don’t know me that’s why they’re doing this." It will ease your mind.
Think calmly and differentiate between the people who are doing this with a positive intention and a negative one. People who are jealous or jobless will try to pull you down as they are incapable themselves. Remember the saying IGNORANCE IS BLISS and ignore them. Next come people like your family members who are talking about you with a positive intention. For example, they might tease you that you’re too thin or fat because you don’t eat or eat a lot. They might just be concerned about your health and are doing it for your betterment, so that it sinks in and you change. This is just an example, but the reasons might vary. Also remember, there might be cases where you’re already doing something, like following a proper diet (linking it to my earlier example) but people aren’t aware and are still commenting. You need to inform them that you’re already putting in efforts for the same.
Last but not the least, irrespective of who talks what. If you just calmly tell them that you appreciate the concern and have taken their suggestion, it’ll surely shut their mouths and make them feel embarrassed. Let DIPLOMACY work its MAGIC. Ignore people who talk behind your back, they’re not worth it. If they were really concerned, they would have told you directly.
You cannot PLEASE everyone. There will be people who will TAKE A DIG at you or make you feel bad. Never allow that to dent your confidence or esteem. Tell yourself, “It’s okay. They don’t know me that’s why they’re doing this." It will ease your mind.
Think calmly and differentiate between the people who are doing this with a positive intention and a negative one. People who are jealous or jobless will try to pull you down as they are incapable themselves. Remember the saying IGNORANCE IS BLISS and ignore them. Next come people like your family members who are talking about you with a positive intention. For example, they might tease you that you’re too thin or fat because you don’t eat or eat a lot. They might just be concerned about your health and are doing it for your betterment, so that it sinks in and you change. This is just an example, but the reasons might vary. Also remember, there might be cases where you’re already doing something, like following a proper diet (linking it to my earlier example) but people aren’t aware and are still commenting. You need to inform them that you’re already putting in efforts for the same.
I can't settle with one girl, why so? Need more
In a majority of cases, people who cannot settle down with one girl haven’t had a very close bond with their mothers. If this applies to you, find a supportive person of the opposite sex in your family whom you can rely on for emotional support or guidance. If you don’t have anyone like that, you’ll need to seek professional help. Or maybe a past HEARTBREAK has subconsciously sent you on a REVENGE SPREE. Accept reality, forgive the person who broke your heart and move on. Ensure you never make the same mistake.
You might be an individual who is gifted with CHARM and CURSED with the art of MANIPULATION. When you possess these two qualities and find it easy to attract girls, you begin enjoying the RUSH of the attention you get. As soon as you get a girl to fall for you, you lose interest and search for another one to have that JOSH again. Focus on something that’s more productive and that’ll give you the same feeling. It might be helping people in need, community service or even some form of exercise.
Charming girls is one thing, but you’ll never realise how much time you’ve been wasting, if the girls are like you. But if it’s sincere girls, , you’ll never realise the suffering that you’ve caused. You’ll only understand if a sister or your daughter in the future faces a heartbreak. Understand how deep and intense this is, calmly think and follow my advice. Make me proud!
How to be cool? The un-cool one
Kids are under the impression that BEING COOL or DOING COOL STUFF will make you POPULAR. You’re all mistaken. By forcing yourself to do COOL STUFF just to IMPRESS will never allow you to have the opportunity to create and sustain genuine friendships or relationships. So my advice, you don’t have to be COOL in order to lead your life or earn true friends. People who like you the way you are, are the ones that matter and the ones who are true will never want you to pretend to be COOL.Next, if you’re not able to mingle with kids as they feel that you’re NOT COOL ENOUGH, it’s fine. They will not be able to make you prosper in life. Spend time with your family and childhood friends. You’ll realise that it’s the COOLEST thing you’ve done.
Lastly, never ever do something just to get attention or be COOL. Ensure that you do not force yourself to do something just to fit in. For example, smoking, drinking or any other stupid thing. YOU’LL SPEND A FORTUNE LATER meeting people like me for de-addiction therapy. Instead exhibit the skills that you’re really good at and excel in those. Achieve milestones and win awards, that’ll make you the COOLEST!