Hi, I am doing my graduation. I have been in love with a girl for four years. From the beginning, I've never liked her being friendly with other boys and I have stopped her from speaking with them. Is what I am doing right? Possessive Dude
Dear Mr Wannabe HITLER, I would say what you're doing is right...IF AND ONLY IF, you're also NOT TALKING TO ANY GIRL! I'm pretty sure that you're talking to one girl or another... And don't even think of giving me an excuse saying that the ones you are talking to are like your SISTERS!
First thing I want you to realise is that you're highly insecure, because of which you're acting like this. There's no INSECURITY in REAL LOVE.
Next, you're being OVER POSSESSIVE. Being possessive is OK... But not OVER POSSESSIVE and becoming a CONTROL FREAK. If you call this behavior LOVE, please don't! I'm even surprised that she's been with you for four years.
Finally, curtailing her freedom and restricting her from talking to other boys will only SUFFOCATE her and going forward, she might call it quits one day. She might be your girlfriend, that doesn't mean YOU OWN HER and can dictate terms to her.
Everyone has a limit buddy, don't push her too much over the limit and lose her. Remember one thing "Leave the person whom you love FREE, if they come back to you and are with you, GREAT! If not, it was never meant to be!" Never be a male chauvinist. Instead, show her what real LOVE is by giving her the freedom to do whatever she wants and by being loyal to her. She'll automatically not want to talk to anyone apart from you.
Can you tell me how to cope with depression due to bad results in an exam? Stressed Out
Hey buddy, relax. I completely understand what you're going through. First thing I want you to understand is that it's not the END of the world. Getting depressed or not is in your hands. I first want you to question yourself... What will getting depressed help you achieve? It'll only make your life miserable, won't it? You'll get sucked into this low feeling, lose focus, get worse grades next time and that'll become a pattern of your behavior leading to constant failures. You have to do the exact opposite and bounce back from this feeling.
Here's my advice.
Remember that everyone has gone through this, even me, even your parents...everybody. You haven't killed someone or committed a crime. So stop blaming yourself and taking it too hard.
Next, you need to understand why you got bad results. Is it because you did not study well? Were you postponing till the last minute? Did you get proper guidance? Read my earlier columns about procrastination, it'll help. You need to LEARN from your mistakes and take it up as a challenge to do better this time and prove everyone wrong.
Finally, cut out all distractions. Focus and prepare a proper study plan and stick to it. Write, write and write, you won't forget when you write. Stop being lazy, it'll not help. Last but not the least, seek help from your teachers with the topics you feel are tough and stick to their advice and guidance. This should definitely help you get started.
Take it as a challenge and make me proud! I'm sure you will.
In your opinion who/what is God? Do we need God for success? UpAbove
Dear Readers,
Existence of God is subjective, elaborate and controversial. It's like parapsychology, We can't say that God doesn't exist nor do we have concrete evidence of God.
The concept is familiar to us and we all have different Gods. GOD depends on factors which makes us attach a particular meaning or belief to it. The factors being religious beliefs, cultural practices, experiences of life or philosophy.
Also, I must share that I DO NOT BELIEVE IN RELIGION, CASTE OR CREED. My family has taught me to be a HUMAN first, then an INDIAN. It is important to understand the different dimensions of what we call God without bringing in religion.
Approaches to God which are a blueprint to religions
THEISM says GOD CREATED the universe and today, he SUSTAINS it. He overlooks the functioning and maintains a balance.
DEISM says that even though GOD exists, he only created the universe but doesn't interfere in its functioning or sustains it.
MONOTHEISM believes in one supreme being. It attaches attributes like power and knowledge to GOD and says that God is PERFECT and present EVERYWHERE.
POLYTHEISM, the opposite of monotheism, has MULTIPLE Gods.
There is a confusion about Hinduism, people refer to it as polytheism. But some argue that since Brahma is the creator, it is monotheistic. If you ask me, it's a combination, as it says that there is one God and the different forms (deities) are his extension, making it POLYTHEISM.
Why do we believe in God?
We believe in God out of FEAR or to SATISFY our DESIRES.
We are taught about the supreme power observing and punishing us when we do wrong so that we become responsible and adhere to rules of society. So we do as much good as we can. This is where we FEAR the supreme being.
When I say SATISFY our desires I refer to the lows we face in life. When we're going through a rough patch, we need to have HOPE. That's when we look towards GOD. We believe he will guide us and provide strength to face the challenge.
I believe in God but am not pious. I believe in the concept of Karma and try and be the BEST towards EVERYONE around me.
I consider everything that I do and every person I meet as GOD. I go by the philosophy that I'm a part of GOD or God himself who acts through me.
GOD is POSITIVE ENERGY. We radiate positivity by showing love, care, concern and more. I feel that's what God wants us all to learn. If we become MORALLY STRONG and GENUINE, we not only see GOD everywhere but make others experience God too. For example, when a person loses hope, if you can help him out, do it! That's when his belief in GOD is reinforced. Unconditionally do everything you can for the GREATER GOOD and you become God or rather he becomes YOU. Instead of trying to define GOD, let your actions prove that God exists.
My Final Word
Rather than setting out to prove God's existence, let us make our existence worthwhile. If we do this, we might invoke a miracle and get an opportunity to meet GOD. If we don't get to meet God, at least we'll make him proud by proving to become God's most awesome creation!
With Regards, Adarsh BasavarajThe Coach
Sir, I am 21 and I have completed my graduation. Now I'm preparing for bank exams. My parents are bankers and hence they want me to go into that stream. But I'm very passionate about dancing and I want a career in dance. They want me to have a job and dance on the side, which is impossible. Dance Mania
I'm sorry to say that your parents are actually RIGHT. Don't take me wrong or think I'm supporting your parents. I'll explain why they are right.
I'm the FIRST person who will tell you to follow your PASSION. That's why I have been able to reach where I am today. But I don't want you to make the same mistake I did. I followed my passion without a backup plan and really struggled to earn initially. I still am not satisfied with what I make with the potential that I possess. Why? Because I didn't have a backup plan to EARN A LIVING.
I understand that managing both is tough, but it's not impossible. Why don't you first focus on your exams, do well and get a job. Then, practise your dance after work and during the weekends. Taking up a job is not the END OF THE WORLD, it's a SAVING GRACE. As at least you'll have something to fall back on and be financially well settled, in fact you'll earn better than what you'll earn in your dancing career. You'll definitely have LEAVES and holidays. Apply for a leave when you have very important career boosting projects and once you have come to a level where you have established your dancing career, you can do it full time and pursue it. Till then, keep the job as a PLAN B.
I am not a good looking person. I am an introvert and when I make a friend, I share what's on my mind with them. I don't have a boyfriend as I feel my priority is getting a good degree and a job now. I have only a handful of friends and I must seem like a joker to some people. I am a feminist and I am trying to make myself comfortable and happy with whatever I have. But at times I feel very lonely and get mood swings. What should I do to overcome this situation? Stuck in the Middle
I hope you've seen my picture and I'm no Shah Rukh Khan. But that hasn't stopped me from achieving. What I'm trying to say is that your looks shouldn't bother you at all. You should be happy with whatever and however you are. You have to remember this secret, only when you're confident with yourself first is when you can be confident to the world.
#MyStory - I was and still am obese. When I used to go for training programs, people would ask whether I could stand till the end of the day. But by the end of the day, they would come to me and say that I've changed their perception about FAT people. That's the impact.
Coming to having a boyfriend, I'm really happy with your priority. Focus on your job first. You'll eventually get a person who'll love you the way you are irrespective of your looks. Trust me on this. Rather than calling yourself a joker, why don't you look at yourself as the person who's spreading joy in their lives? Why be negative? They should be happy to have a friend like you who lightens up their mood.
It's better to be alone rather than being surrounded by people who don't value you. Last but not the least, remember that we're all dependant on someone or another for something. So it's okay...it's being human!