Coach calling

These were the pick of the queries received via WhatsApp and answered by life coach Adarsh Basavaraj. Keep them coming!

Published: 06th February 2017 06:00 AM  |   Last Updated: 04th February 2017 03:43 AM   |  A+A-

Express News Service

I’m in class XI. A girl had proposed to me and I accepted. Then, I was the topper but and now, I’m not. Whenever I sit to study, I think of her. Our relationship has gone far. I want to marry her. Is there any solution for this? Missing the Mark

Frankly buddy, you’re not experienced enough to think of this relationship in the long term. Give it time and let it tell you how this ends. As of now, just enjoy TODAY. Stop obsessing. Be very smart and allot time specifically for studies and ensure you FOCUS on it. She is not going anywhere, as of now, but your exams will not wait. I would say that your STUDIES are your first priority and then comes your relationship. When you are successful, you can settle down and you’ll be in a better position to convince your parents as when you are financially independent, you can take care of your needs. If you keep thinking about her and don’t focus, you risk LOSING EVERYTHING.

I lose confidence and assume nothing is possible. I don’t want to be alone, I tend to think negatively..Me -ve

STOP WORRYING! Firstly, you are losing confidence because you’re not PERSISTENT. Even if you’re doing something that others say is IMPOSSIBLE, if you keep trying, you will succeed. The best way to maintain consistency is TO REMEMBER WHY YOU STARTED. Let your GOALS motivate you to move forward, NOT WHAT OTHERS THINK. Work in your comfort level, it’s not a competition, it’s REALISATION that’s important.
Secondly, being alone is a CHOICE. You’ve made it a habit to be alone and brood about negative things making it your comfort zone. You’re NOT ALONE. You have at least some people who love you, especially your parents. Spend time with them. Take up some activity and keep yourself busy, you’ll make new friends and enjoy what you’re doing. Finally, the only way to stop thinking about the future is to tell yourself that THE FUTURE IS NOT IN YOUR CONTROL, the present IS.

A girl and I loved each other and were happy. She started talking with her old classmates, who I felt were not good so I told her to keep away. Then she lied and started talking with a boy and did not tell me. But she told her parents this, and they restricted her from talking to me. She also said she doesn’t like me.  What To Do

All I can tell you is that she’s lost interest in the relationship. You might have been too restrictive or too controlling which suffocated her. Whatever the reason might be, trust me... she has moved on. If she’s being silent about talking to other boys and not giving you a valid reason, it’s very evident that she’s guilty of this behaviour. But you can’t control anyone. She has gone and told her parents (or might have even pretended to do so), because she wanted to END IT.
The only option you have is to move on and LEARN FROM THIS RELATIONSHIP.

Art of being interesting while texting 

I am an MSc student, getting good marks, but I feel like life is going nowhere and feel no happiness.           

Stuck in a Rut

You’re feeling this because you’ve managed to reach a state of MONOTONY. You’ve been following a routine, maybe like going to college, coming back, studying and repeating the same next day. Somewhere, you’ve not allotted time for fun or pursuing your interests. Since you’re happy with your marks, ensure you don’t disturb the time that you’ve allocated for your studies and experience. At the same time, figure out what your interest is and take it up as a hobby. Meet up with friends and family whom you haven’t been in touch with. Join a gym or play a sport.

 

I’m in a relationship since class IX. His mom said, as he has a younger sister and we (him and me) are of the same age, our marriage is impossible as the brother should marry after his sister, who is in XII. She can marry only after she gets a job. I’m ready to wait but would that be smart?

Tie The Knot

You both have been going strong for almost 10 years and that shows how compatible you both are. And TRUE LOVE is hard to find.
The best option would be, to ensure that both your parents know about the relationship and that both of you MAKE IT CLEAR that you’re going strong for so long. One of the reasons why families don’t encourage LOVE MARRIAGES is because they doubt the longevity. But once they know that you’ve been consistent, they might think seriously. Once they take you seriously, the boy’s family might compromise and choose to get you married irrespective of their culture, or even if they don’t go the extra mile, they’ll at least know that you’re in line and wouldn’t want to spoil your life. But if they don’t care about you, don’t give you a commitment of any sort and if you’re not confident about them, that’s when it makes sense to MOVE ON.
Don’t just give up without a fight, especially for what’s right!

 

I fall in love with girls I chat with, how do I find true love? They get bored with my texts. How do I improve my texting?

Text Me Not

ACCEPT that you’re INSECURE and have low self-confidence. This is why you’re getting ATTRACTED TO EVERY ONE who is CONVERSING WITH YOU or being nice.  
Having interesting conversations or learning to TEXT will not be of any use when the person isn’t interested. For all you know, many might be polite as they are feeling awkward when you text too much.
Don’t TRY TOO HARD. Remember, when the time is right you’ll find THE ONE. Now, your LONELINESS or DESPERATION for a relationship is evident. Instead, focus on your interests, pick up a hobby and distract yourself and keep yourself BUSY. You’ll meet new people and hopefully other girls too. Also, be observant and chat with the girls who are interested in you. After a comfort level has been established, ask her out. Lastly, if you’re desperate for a PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP understand that casual relationships under the pretense of LOVE will never survive.

 

I’m loving and caring towards all but it hurts when loved ones take you for granted. How do I handle expectations?

So Tired

Learn to differentiate between people who are CLOSE TO YOU and the ONES WHOM YOU THINK ARE CLOSE TO YOU. Being caring towards all isn’t actually a good idea because you’re wasting time on people who don’t know your value. You also have to understand the reason you have developed this behaviour, which is because you never had someone to care for you when YOU NEEDED it and know how bad it feels and you don’t want others to experience that feeling.
Ensure that YOU’RE VERY CLEAR and LEARN TO DIFFERENTIATE BETWEEN THE PEOPLE WORTHY of your care and care only about them. When you care for people who don’t appreciate it, they take you for granted. IT’S NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO KEEP EVERYONE HAPPY. Every person has to undergo a bitter experience, only then they appreciate the VALUE OF GENUINE PEOPLE. Focus on your LIFE and what’s important to you, do what makes YOU happy, PERIOD! 

 

What kind of books should one read to improve his English knowledge? Can you refer some books?

By the Book

Learning or being fluent in English is like any new skill that you want to pick up. It requires consistent practice and correction. You need to understand that it also takes some time, so have patience. Remember that you have learnt your mother tongue by practising from birth, yet still wouldn’t know the language 100%.
Here are some tips to improve your English.
First step, start conversing with people who are fluent in English and who are very supportive. Stop using your mother tongue and slowly start using English more in your conversations. Not only will you become familiar and confident with the language, people around will correct you when you make mistakes.
Second, start reading English newspapers, like ours which have impeccable English, or even magazines like Reader’s Digest, etc. You only become better when you read as it improves your vocabulary.
Watch and develop a comfort level by watching international news channels or documentary channels. You’ll also pick up the ability to understand different accents. Once you learn that, the Indian English accent becomes easier to understand.
Last but not the least, watch English movies with subtitles so that your subconscious registers and integrates words into your mind.

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