Because love makes the world go round

These were the pick of the queries received via WhatsApp and answered by life coach Adarsh Basavaraj. Keep them coming!

Published: 13th February 2017 06:00 AM  |   Last Updated: 16th February 2017 12:52 AM   |  A+A-

Express News Service

I’m a third year BTech student. I’ve fallen in love with my classmate. My soul tells me to propose to her. What do I do? Soul Speak
 

People whom we may not actually LIKE in the beginning, might be the ones we might fall for later in life. Which is why I say “FIRST IMPRESSION ISN’T THE BEST IMPRESSION TODAY, AS MANY SUFFER FROM THE LACK OF EXPRESSION”. We only learn to love someone after we get to know them better. 


There’s nothing wrong in trying to make this relationship WORK. But only if the feeling is MUTUAL. You first need to take her out and find out the depth of feelings that she has for you. If she is ready for a relationship with you or LOVES you already EXCELLENT! If not, it’s OK there’s nothing to feel heartbroken about. Remember the reasons you didn’t like her in the beginning and use that to make you feel that it’s better you remain as friends. It’s just a matter of time before you find that person. 

Two years ago I proposed to her and she acppect  But nowadays she ignores me but I still love her and she knows that. Ignored 

You all are in a age wherein you still don’t understand a serious relationship and are inclined towards infatuations rather than LOVE. In a majority of cases, students just want to have a boyfriend/girlfriend because everyone around them has one. Just to make them feel special or someone to give you attention. But as you mature, you realise that there are other aspects to the relationship too. 


In your case, MAYBE she doesn’t see a future for the both of you, she isn’t able to convince her parents or she’s almost done with college & her parents have already decided to get her married etc. You never know.
The only solution is to confront her. Find out the reason and be calm about it. If a solution can be worked out, plan mutually. If not, it’s okay. Move on. Meet other people, focus on your studies and you’ll find the ONE. So get your priorities straight! 
 

I am in a relationship from class X and now I’m finishing my XII. He is everything to me and I dont want to leave him but I will be leaving ths state within two months. He is a Hindu and I am a Christian. We both want to spend our life together What To Do

TRUE LOVE is that it’s UNCONDITIONAL. Whether you’re in a different state or a different country, it shouldn’t matter. If he loves you truly, he will wait and so will you! 


The next challenge is your religions. In cases of INTER RELIGIOUS LOVE AFFAIRS, parents accepting is a challenge. You need to be persistent for it to work. You cannot force your parents. You both need to study, get placed and become financially independent. That’s when your parents will give in. If they still don’t approve, you both will not be left with any other choice, but to move out, get married and lead life on your own. The QUESTION Is your LOVE STRONG ENOUGH? 

I completed BCA, worked for 2 years and had a love marriage without my parents acceptance. After 6 months, his elder brother harresed me and told the opposite to my husband who trusted him. Am still waiting for my husband.In A Knot Up

Situations and fights like these are a part of married. The BIGGER question is, why did his brother create a scene? You need to find the reason why his brother is giving you a hard time. You can choose to ask directly or ask you husband to talk to his brother. 


But if you aren’t in touch with your husband and he hasn’t bothered, then my suggestion to you is MOVE ON. I feel that you rushed into this. Whatever has happened, forget about it. MOVE ON. The first aspect I want you to focus on is to find a job. Once you have your job and are financially independent, you’ll be much calmer otherwise having the stress of not earning plus this will be too much. Going to work also keeps you occupied. Regarding your relationship, I would suggest you to take things easy for some time. If your husband gets back in touch, don’t jump back. Meet him and express how hurt you were when he did not trust you. But take things slow. Don’t worry, You deserve better and will meet the RIGHT ONE too, but it’ll only happen when you become stronger and focus on your priorities. As of now, it’s your job. 

 

I loved a girl but she she likes another guy!  What should I do? She Loves Me Not

Bro, I also LOVE KATRINA KAIF, she loves someone else. You think I can FORCE her to LOVE ME? Even if I do, do you think it’ll last? Remember, when your mother who’s given birth to you, cannot make you LOVE a particular dish you hate how can you expect someone else to LOVE YOU? We all have the freedom to CHOOSE WHOM WE LOVE and the RIGHT TO MAKE CHOICES based on our liking, right? Don’t take me wrong, but you CANNOT FORCE ANYONE to do ANYTHING, especially in relationships. If she was single, my approach would’ve been completely different. But since she’s made her choice, it’s your duty to respect it and wish her to be happy. Remember, LOVE THE ONE WHO LOVES YOU, not the one whom ONLY you LOVE. You’ll find the ONE. Don’t worry about what’s not in your control. 

’I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’m 18 and when I see my friends with their partners I feel bad. I envy them. Unfortunately I’m shy and the guys who are my friends don’t consider me “girlfriend material.”  What is wrong with me?Never Been Loved
 

It’s not written in STONE that you need to have a boyfriend at a particular age and it doesn’t make sense to have one just because everyone around you has. The only people who can love you unconditionally and who would love to make you feel special are YOUR PARENTS and FAMILY first. Boys do all this as they are still trying to understand their RAGING HORMONES. Whereas girls are more mature than boys by five years. 


“Girlfriend material” refers to a girl who is ready for a causal relationship. It may get serious going forward but boys are a little afraid of commitment, hence they seek girls. In your case you might be too genuine or sub-consciously not a person who can have FLINGS. There’s nothing wrong with you. 
Remeber, good things come to those who wait. I’ll also tell you a secret. The first time I had a relationship was when I was 25, it didn’t work out and I was heartbroken. Now I’m almost 30 and found an amazing soul. Will it work? I don’t know. Will I make it work? DEFINITELY! But I waited and found the best. I’m sure so will you! 

I’m in class XI. A girl had proposed to me and I accepted. Then, I was the topper but and now, I’m not. Whenever I sit to study, I think of her. Our relationship has gone far. I want to marry her. Is there any solution for this? Missing the Mark

Frankly buddy, you’re not experienced enough to think of this relationship in the long term. Give it time and let it tell you how this ends. As of now, just enjoy TODAY. Stop obsessing. Be very smart and allot time specifically for studies and ensure you FOCUS on it. She is not going anywhere, as of now, but your exams will not wait.

I would say that your STUDIES are your first priority and then comes your relationship. When you are successful, you can settle down and you’ll be in a better position to convince your parents as when you are financially independent, you can take care of your needs. If you keep thinking about her and don’t focus, you risk LOSING EVERYTHING. 

I lose confidence and assume nothing is possible. I don’t want to be alone, I tend to think negatively..Me -ve
STOP WORRYING! Firstly, you are losing confidence because you’re not PERSISTENT. Even if you’re doing something that others say is IMPOSSIBLE, if you keep trying, you will succeed. The best way to maintain consistency is TO REMEMBER WHY YOU STARTED. Let your GOALS motivate you to move forward, NOT WHAT OTHERS THINK. Work in your comfort level, it’s not a competition, it’s REALISATION that’s important. 


Secondly, being alone is a CHOICE. You’ve made it a habit to be alone and brood about negative things making it your comfort zone. You’re NOT ALONE. You have at least some people who love you, especially your parents. Spend time with them. Take up some activity and keep yourself busy, you’ll make new friends and enjoy what you’re doing. Finally, the only way to stop thinking about the future is to tell yourself that THE FUTURE IS NOT IN YOUR CONTROL, the present IS. 

A girl and I loved each other and were happy. She started talking with her old classmates, who I felt were not good so I told her to keep away. Then she lied and started talking with a boy and did not tell me. But she told her parents this, and they restricted her from talking to me. She also said she doesn’t like me.  What To Do

All I can tell you is that she’s lost interest in the relationship. You might have been too restrictive or too controlling which suffocated her. Whatever the reason might be, trust me... she has moved on. If she’s being silent about talking to other boys and not giving you a valid reason, it’s very evident that she’s guilty of this behaviour. But you can’t control anyone. She has gone and told her parents (or might have even pretended to do so), because she wanted to END IT. 
The only option you have is to move on and LEARN FROM THIS RELATIONSHIP. 

I love a boy. He is a police man. We are of the same cast. My parents are not agreeing as they give importance to status and job. I love them and love him too. Not Same
 

EVERY PARENT WANTS THE BEST for their children. Especially for daughters, they want to get them married to a person with a good income, good character and good family background. Nobody LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOUR PARENTS. Listen to your parents FIRST. But that doesn’t mean, I don’t give importance to your feelings. Since you’re 19-20, your parents wouldn’t expect you to be mature enough to make a decision regarding your LIFE PARTNER.

So even if you’re sure about this guy, give it time. Ensure that you don’t make your parents insecure by trying to force them to accept this relationship. That is where they’ll try to get you married to someone else. Tell them that you’ll get married after you finish your studies. If the relationship gets stronger, great! You can convince the, even better. Ensure that your man is ready for a commitment. If you feel, going forward that you’re not satisfied forget it, it was his loss... 

A girl and I loved each other and were happy. She started talking with her old classmates, who I felt were not good so I told her to keep away. Then she lied and started talking with a boy and did not tell me. But she told her parents this, and they restricted her from talking to me. She also said she doesn’t like me.  What To Do

All I can tell you is that she’s lost interest in the relationship. You might have been too restrictive or too controlling which suffocated her. Whatever the reason might be, trust me... she has moved on. If she’s being silent about talking to other boys and not giving you a valid reason, it’s very evident thstrictive or too controlling which suffocated her.

Whatever the reason might be, trust me... she has moved on. If she’s being silent about talking to other boys and not giving you a valid reason, it’s very evident that she’s guilty of this behaviour. But you can’t control anyone. She has gone and told her parents (or might have even pretended to do so), because she wanted to END IT. The only option you have is to move on and LEARN FROM THIS RELATIONSHIP. 

I met a boy in a FB a month ago. We talked a lot. He shared about his past and how he got betrayed in love. I fell for him and told him. He told me he don’t wanna loose me but about love he is still don’t know. but he can’t see me with any other guy. he scared or what about loving again. i want to make him realise that.. i will never break his heart.. he is talking to me formallyMissing the Mark
 

Firstly, he has been heartbroken and fears the same happening again but that doesn’t mean he’ll never fall in love with you. Some people take time to clear their EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE and start afresh. There might be a possibility that he’s still thinking of his ex and isn’t able to make place for another person. 


Two, he might have gotten very attached to you only as a CLOSE FRIEND, which might be because of the first point. It’s natural to fear LOSING BEST FRIENDS. I say this as he is discouraging you, not to think of a FUTURE. 


Lastly, there’s no point forcing anyone to LOVE YOU. It’s needs to happen NATURALLY. That also doesn’t mean he acts possessive while not being clear about the relationship. The only advice I have is to talk to him about this. Tell him what you feel and give him a comfortable time frame to take a decision. Establish boundaries and have more clarity. In many cases, this is when guys realise their TRUE FEELINGS FOR YOU. But even after this, if he doesn’t change it was never meant to be. You’ll find the ONE soon. Don’t be disappointed. 

I’m in class XI. A girl had proposed to me and I accepted. Then, I was the topper but and now, ur relationship has far. I to marry her. Is there any solution for this? Missing the Mark

Frankly buddy, you’re not experienced enough to think of this relationship in the long term. Give it time and let it tell you how this ends. As of now, just enjoy TODAY. Stop obsessing. Be very smart and allot time specifically for studies and ensure you FOCUS on it. She is not going anywhere, as of now, but your exams will not wait.

I would say that your STUDIES are your first priority and then comes your relationship. When you are successful, you can settle down and you’ll be in a better position to convince your parents as when you are financially independent, you can take care of your needs. If you keep thinking about her and don’t focus, you risk LOSING EVERYTHING. are successful, you can settle down and you’ll be in a better position to convince your parents as when you are financially independent, you can take care of your needs. If you keep thinking about her and don’t focus, you risk LOSING EVERYTHING. are successful, you can settle down and you’ll be in a better position to convince your parents as when you are financially independent, you can take care of your needs.

I’m in class XI. A girl had proposed to me and I accepted. Then, I was the topper but and now, I’m not. Whenever I sit to study, I think of her. Our relationship has gone far. I want to marry her. Is there any solution for this? Missing the Mark
 

Frankly buddy, you’re not experienced enough to think of this relationship in the long term. Give it time and let it tell you how this ends. As of now, just enjoy TODAY. Stop obsessing. Be very smart and allot time specifically for studies and ensure you FOCUS on it. She is not going anywhere, as of now, but your exams will not wait. I would say that your STUDIES are your first priority and then comes your relationship. When you are successful, you can settle down and you’ll be in a better position to convince your parents as when you are financially independent, you can take care of your ne your first priority and then comes your relationship.

When you are successful, you can settle down and you’ll be in a better position to convince your parents as when you are financially independent, you can take care of your ne your first priority and then comes your relationship. When you are successful, you can settle down and you’ll be in a better position to convince your parents as when you are financially independent, you can take care of your needs. If you keep thinking about her and don’t focus, you risk LOSING EVERYTHING. 

I’m in class XI. A girl had proposed to me and I accepted. Then, I was the topper but and now, I’m not. Whenever I sit to study, I think of her. Our relationship has gone far. I want to marry her. Is there any solution for this? Missing the Mark
 

Frankly buddy, you’re not experienced enough to think of this relationship in the long term. Give it time and let it tell you how this ends. As of now, just enjoy TODAY. Stop obsessing. Be very smart and allot time specifically for studies and ensure you FOCUS on it. She is not going anywhere, as of now, but your exams will not wait.

I would say that your STUDIES are your first priority and then comes your relationship. When you are successful, you can settle down and you’ll be in a better position to convince your parents as when you are financially independent, you can take care of your needs. If you keep thinking about her and don’t focus, you risk LOSING EVERYTHING. 

I lose confidence and assume nothing is possible. I don’t want to be alone, I tend to think negatively..Me -ve
 

STOP WORRYING! Firstly, you are losing confidence because you’re not PERSISTENT. Even if you’re doing something that others say is IMPOSSIBLE, if you keep trying, you will succeed. The best way to maintain consistency is TO REMEMBER WHY YOU STARTED. Let your GOALS motivate you to move forward, NOT WHAT OTHERS THINK. Work in your comfort level, it’s not a competition, it’s REALISATION that’s important. 


Secondly, being alone is a CHOICE. You’ve made it a habit to be alone and brood about negative things making it your comfort zone. You’re NOT ALONE. You have at least some people who love you, especially your parents. Spend time with them. Take up some activity and keep yourself busy, you’ll make new friends and enjoy what you’re doing. Finally, the only way to stop thinking about the future is to tell yourself that THE FUTURE IS NOT IN YOUR CONTROL, the present IS. 

A girl and I loved each other and were happy. She started talking with her old classmates, who I felt were not good so I told her to keep away. Then she lied and started talking with a boy and did not tell me. But she told her parents this, and they restricted her from talking to me. She also said she doesn’t like me.  What To Do

All I can tell you is that she’s lost interest in the relationship. You might have been too restrictive or too controlling which suffocated her. Whatever the reason might be, trust me... she has moved on. If she’s being silent about talking to other boys and not giving you a valid reason, it’s very evident thstrictive or too controlling which suffocated her.

Whatever the reason might be, trust me... she has moved on. If she’s being silent about talking to other boys and not giving you a valid reason, it’s very evident that she’s guilty of this behaviour. But you can’t control anyone. She has gone and told her parents (or might have even pretended to do so), because she wanted to END IT. The only option you have is to move on and LEARN FROM THIS RELATIONSHIP. 

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