Vanity and Its Vanguards Stand United

Beauty treatments, one more bizarre than the other, change the way faces look and minds think.

Published: 20th June 2015 10:00 PM  |   Last Updated: 20th June 2015 12:39 PM   |  A+A-

Beauty is not in the face. Beauty is a light in the heart,” said Kahlil Gibran. Does philosophy have the didacticism of a grandfather or is it childishly oblivious? If Gibran was born a lady of French aristocracy, would he not have fit his bosom into a magnetic corset or used lard to buff up his bouffant? Would he have skinny-dipped into a clawfoot tub filled up with goat milk to make his skin glow or emptied cans of tape worm down his throat, presuming they’ll feed on his fat deposits? Is it easy to condemn the necessity of physical beauty, when one is no longer rebelliously charmed by it, or, mostly brazenly, denied because of the lack of it?

Vanity1.jpgHollywood, where most of the world’s imagination is made, has the answers to most questions. Somewhere in that magical place, Angelina Jolie and Anne Hathaway have graced their angelic face-cuts with Ted Gibson’s haircuts. For metaphoric convenience, he’s understood as a ‘red-carpet hair stylist’. A single hair dressing session with him, where he cuts, dries and styles up with his bare hands, costs $1,200.

Almost inspired by the dark charm of Morticia A. Addams is the Vampire Facial. This involves syringing out blood from different parts of the body and massaging it onto the face. Legend has it; Kim Kardashian is paying $1,100 to play this bloody little game. If it’s hard keeping up with her, there’s the 20-hands duo massage. This features 10 therapists, with their hundred hands giving a couple’s massage. Some mental math: that’s 50 fingers per face and all fingers lock into firm fists and pull out $4,000 from the pocket.

Science too steps in self-invited. Shell out $7,000 towards the advancement of earth science and take the HD diamond and ruby facial. Celebrity esthetician Scott Vincent Borba’s treatment, called ‘facial and peel’ out of habit, involves rubbing clients’ faces with precious jewels, namely, crushed diamonds and rubies. The treatment ends with a paraffin silk fibre mask, which is something special. And, as the patient is revelling in its novelty, the pack is blasted off with LED red light. Mila Kunis might tell you more.

Vanity3.jpgIn the French Alps neighbourhood, the water in the tap doesn’t have a vulnerable ‘don’t waste me’ ring to it. It’s not here for mediocre purposes like quenching thirst, and please call it by its name, Mr Evian. The Evian Water Bath let’s somebody bathe in 350 gallons of this liquid asset for $5,000. No, the water isn’t transported in tanks or PVC pipes, it comes in Christian Lacroix-designed bottles that are delivered to the Penthouse Suite at Miami’s Hotel Victor. To look like a million bucks, you need to spend a million bucks. Kelly Osbourne has had white diamond nail art on her hands, for that price. Nail biters, run and hide, will you.

No one is a stranger to make-up shaming and beauty pageants that pretend they have nothing to do with beauty. It’s about time lookism looks into the looking glass it is holding out to the rest of us. Reflection, do not go gentle into the mist.

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