BENGALURU: There are days when I get back home after work and hear my mother yelling frantically about how a group of men had broken in while I was away and had robbed the house. Those who do not know my mother, might believe that what she says is true. But those who know her can easily understand from her ranting that she is simply imagining things, and this is nothing absurd for her. My mother suffers from schizophrenia and my family and I have been dealing with her illness from past thirteen years,” says Karen Rozario, a 27-year-old IT professional from Bengaluru.
Often, when a family member seeks a counsellor’s help for a loved one’s mental illness, they hope to find answers and tactics to get them to acknowledge their illness, take responsibility for their actions or get into treatment. When this does not happen, the home atmosphere becomes quite chaotic, disorganised, and filled with tension. To cope, people sometimes go into survival mode. Often, they try to hide this chaos from the children to protect them. These days, children are very perceptive. This can make it very difficult for elders to hide the mental illness from the child.
Research shows that more than five million children in India have a parent with a severe mental illness such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder or major depression. Contrary to popular belief, adults with mental issues are just as likely to be parents. In fact, 68 per cent of women with depression are mothers, and 57 per cent of men with mental setbacks are fathers. Even though each child’s experience of living with a mentally ill parent is unique, it can be awkward, perplexing, lonely and terrifying at the same time. Dr Hemendra Singh, associate professor, Psychiatry Department, MS Ramaiah Medical College Bengaluru, talks about one such case where Usha (name changed), a 31-year-old mother of two, was recently admitted to the hospital for schizophrenia.
Usha not only indulges in self harm, but has, in the recent past, also tried cutting her children with knives and scissors. She, however, does not show any sign of remorse or guilt, but her actions have left her two children so traumatised, they refuse to come near their mother.
“Often, parents living with mental disorders behave in confusing, upsetting ways, such as during times of active psychosis. Parents with difficulty dealing with strong feelings may explode in anger, scaring the child. Parents living with mood disorders may struggle with suicidal thinking and behaviour, which can be very distressing. When parents act out in these ways, children may see their parents as hostile, scary, out of control and unpredictable. They feel anxious, ashamed, sad and angry,” asserts Dr Singh.
Children who are close to parents with emotional troubles pose a larger risk of having behavioural/emotional problems due to genetic aspects, and also exposure to detrimental psychosocial experiences. These children are at substantial threat for behavioural issues, severe depression and anxiety. They are prone to experiencing developmental delays, inferior academic performance and troubles with peers. Studies have proven that these setbacks often persist into adulthood.
It is essential for those around to express compassion towards these children. They need information and support. Providing them the chance to talk to people in similar situations can be therapeutic. Family members should openly talk to them about this instead of perpetuating the secrecy and shame associated with mental illness.
Telling children that their parent is concerned about them can be encouraging. Sometimes, parents exhibit rejectional behaviour that can be hurtful. Explaining why parents act in bewildering ways can help kids avoid taking the behaviour personally. These children also need support in knowing how to deal with the stigma that surrounds people with mental illness.