From my point of view, happiness is satisfaction. This might sound odd to some people—it doesn’t sound very much related to pleasure or perhaps even joy. But for me, if I am satisfied with something, for example a relationship or the work I am doing today or the food I am eating, then I am happy, I am full of joy.
This isn’t the kind of satisfaction that comes from getting something or achieving a condition that I set before I allow myself to feel happiness, but rather, it is the relationship between me and my life as it is, right now. It is in the understanding that no matter how much external circumstances may change, it is my own perceptions that attach meaning to those circumstances. If I know I have tried my best, that my intentions have been good, then I can be more accepting of the things that I cannot be in control of, and thus I have the key to unlock my own happiness and joy.
Some people might feel that success is the key to their happiness, and of course, doing well in something can help to make us feel very good. But I believe that happiness comes when we are satisfied—because if we are not ever satisfied then however successful we are, we will still feel like we have to keep going to the next level. We will never give ourselves a chance to enjoy or appreciate what we have in the present moment, we will be constantly running ahead into the future.
Satisfaction can be confused with complacency, but they are not the same in my mind. Satisfaction does not mean that we sit back and think: Great! I can just put my feet up now because I am satisfied with my life. Satisfaction comes from joyful effort—it comes from knowing that today we tried our very best, from being adaptable to change and from truly appreciating the life and the love we have.
When we feel a sense of satisfaction we feel less of a need to cling to our success, relationships and opinions, and also we are less fearful of losing what we have, which makes life much more pleasant and easy.
Instead of wasting mental energy in a state of anxiety, constantly comparing ourselves to others to check on our status in the world, we work with the one person we can influence—ourselves.
Instead of demanding that our partner or our friends be a certain way, we try to be the most caring and loving partner or friend ourselves and let others be themselves.
Satisfaction is always present continuous. This moment of satisfaction here, now, creates a history of being satisfied and therefore a transformation of our personality to a relaxed, peaceful and balanced temperament.
Satisfaction that is aimed for in the future is a fallacy. That follows the principle of consummation—that we will be satisfied when something happens, or something is felt, experienced, acquired or achieved.
That is the most common error in understanding the dynamics of satisfaction.
Satisfaction is the rebalanced equation of our present situation where everything is placed according to capacity, purpose, effort and time. Look at it like this: I have a job, a family, a career, a house, a car, and generally good health. I should be satisfied within the parameters of what I have today. But even in this blessed state if I desire for a better job, a more lucrative career, a promotion, a better car, a bigger house or simply bigger muscles, I sow the seed of desire and therefore dissatisfaction.
A simple example of how a completely reasonable and happy situation that could be the cause of immense satisfaction has been turned into an ugly, unhappy existence simply because of a minor deviation from the available balance of your life. Now does that mean seeking a better job, or a bigger house is unreasonable? No and yes. Not in the general sense that we all work to improve, do better, learn and gain expertise and proficiency.
It is in the nature of man to be so. So far, so good. But to make the result of these efforts the purpose of your life is to create imbalance and dissatisfaction. When we move forward with the grace of what is available to us and with natural effort, satisfaction follows. When we stretch, push or pull to do the same or seek more, or faster, it gets ugly and disruptive and dissatisfaction raises its head.
Gnawing desire only creates disturbance in our lives. In today’s time and age, the idea of ‘more’, is the basis of dissatisfaction in our lives, and destruction in many cases. I am not advocating the idea of less as the natural opposite of the idea of more—as some would think. The idea of enough is the basis of satisfaction, is my point of view. And enough, is enough to be happy and joyful.
The author is the spiritual head of the 1,000-year-old Drukpa Order based in the Himalayas