Living harmoniously with other people is extremely difficult. In fact, it’s probably easier to live with pets. One of the main reasons is our inability to see people as they really are. Instead, we see them according to our self-created concepts and expect much more from them. If we touch a live wire, we will get a shock. But we don’t blame the electricity. Nor do we blame electricity when there is an electrical fire. Similarly, when we take in the sight of the Himalayas, we accept them as they are.
It’s the same with the coldness of snow, the sweetness of sugar, the sourness of a lemon and the warmth of the sun. We are able to accept all.But when it comes to matters involving our fellow humans, we are unable to maintain this attitude. Suppose someone meets a person who does not meet their expectations, he immediately thinks, “Oh, I thought this guy was Mister Perfect. I never dreamed he would be such a loser”. In reality, the person had a preconceived notion and then blamed the other when he failed to live up to his expectations. All of these are projections of our mind. It is like expecting a nurse to be as qualified as a doctor. We cannot expect the wisdom of a teacher from a student. We can never turn a frog into an elephant. A crow is not going to sing like a cuckoo.
People often enter seemingly calm waters in order to swim, only to find themselves pulled down by the underflow. Such currents can even overcome and drown experienced swimmers. We need to understand that in life everything has a dual nature. Keeping this in mind will serve as a form of protection. This is what spirituality teaches us. When we get disillusioned by the external attractiveness, we fail to understand its real nature.
In our day-to-day dealings, reciprocal relationships are what keep us moving forward in life. If any of our numerous modes of communication were to fail, everything would come to a standstill. But electronic gadgets are not enough for real communication. The ability to communicate our ideas clearly, as well as to listen attentively are even more important. Without either one of these aspects, the quality and effectiveness of our communication will suffer. This often leads to major conflicts and destruction, even war.
When we use the word “communication”, we don’t mean a situation where we do all the talking. We should be able to listen to what the other person says as well. Only if we listen carefully and attentively will we be able to respond in an appropriate manner. Otherwise our so-called “communication” becomes like two deaf people shouting at each other. In order to imbibe what someone is saying, first our mind has to be silent. Sometimes, we don’t even have enough patience to wait for the other person to stop; we just jump right in and cut them off. We not only fail to listen to what the other person is saying, we are not even listening to what we are saying.
All conversations take place in the present moment. But what about our thoughts? They are continually running back into the past and racing into the future. But in true listening, our mind is completely in the present. We should also be able to listen with our eyes and heart as well. We often forget such small simple things. A mere glance—it is a simple thing, but it can make a big difference.
The writer is a world-renowned spiritual leader