A father’s role has come a long way down the generations. In my grandfather’s era, kids were meant to be seen occasionally by the lord of the house. It would not be fallacious to presume that due to unrestricted expansion, the father may not have remembered the names of his offspring too, having to spot them in a crowd of children occupying the joint family house.
The next generation saw the man moving out in search of greener pastures, leaving his wife and offspring behind in the ancestral house. Then the children themselves may have found it difficult to recognise him on his occasional visits. Alternatively, once he had grown some roots in the new soil he would take his family, breaking the tradition. Even then his interactions with the offspring would be minimum with the mother being the connection hub.
The mother was the nurturer, being the housewife. I remember my attitude towards my father was one of awe and in the rare moments he would choose to be in an affectionate mood, the joy was incalculable. There was no doubt he loved children but business pressures made contact minimal. But his word was law for me and a stern look from him without any words was enough to bring tears to my eyes.
As the family started turning nuclear, it became difficult to restrict interactions with the offspring. Indeed, the children should turn to the father or mother as the first line of support. The father should stop viewing the children as a social measure of intelligence and esteem, but embrace them with all their shortcomings. But the situation has become confusing with some fathers not willing to let go of the traditional ironclad fist and the wives cautioned to maintain a distance from children to earn their respect—yet finding it judicious to extend the friendship hand as the offspring grow. Some men are natural mothers and I have seen quite a few step into her shoes in her (sometimes unfortunate) absence.
In the present generation, with both parents most of the time having full-time careers, it is hard to draw the line between the role of a father and mother. The modern dad as a matter of routine changes the child’s nappy, gives him a bath and feeds him the gruel prepared by mama, before packing him off to preschool. The kid gets to bond equally with both.
A father should never forget that the offsprings look up to him as a role model and as is said, “they grow up on little scraps of wisdom, thrown by the father when he is really not trying to teach them something.”