#yesallwomen until answers are all ‘No’

What I was afraid would get sidelined in all the Oscar Award awe was the ‘Grim Version’ of the personal slams. Thankfully, the slams survived the surplus of cine-chatter and literally ‘stole the show’

What I was afraid would get sidelined in all the Oscar Award awe was the ‘Grim Version’ of the personal slams. Thankfully, the slams survived the surplus of cine-chatter and literally ‘stole the show’, sending out a strong message. A ‘personal Slam’ is essentially a bunch of questions that one copy-pastes from friend’s Facebook timeline onto theirs and answers with yes or no. Questions are personal, and they range from whether one has had a tattoo or a surgery or affair etc. With modified questions, and the hashtags ‘yesallwomen’ and ‘whatsickmendo’ the grim version of the personal slam was to be answered by women. The questions included, 1. Have you heard lewd comments from men? 2. Has a guy winked at you/made other facial expressions with sexual intent? 3. Have you been touched/grabbed by your chest?

4. Have you had to deal with inappropriate looks/staring? 5. Have you been troubled by men standing awkwardly close? Have you been followed? 6. Have you ever been faced with sexually abusive behaviour from men who are family/ relatives or close friends? 7. Have you been cyber bullied/trolled? 8. Have you been the victim of vulgarity or exhibitionism? 9. Are you a victim of rape? 10. Have you ever been advised to keep silent about/ignore abuse or harassment? 11. Have you ever been told that any/all of the above is your fault, that you brought it upon yourself ? A disclaimer that went along with the questions read, “Don’t begin caring conversations with me about my answers. You care, I already know. These are personal questions, and if you don’t want you answer them, it’s okay.”

As women put up the questions on their profiles with yes or no answers, one thing was evident: Not one of the responders had all ‘No’ in her answers. Another preliminary observation was that so many women were willing to respond, adding to the shared experiences of women in different geographical and cultural contexts. Generally the ‘Yes’ outnumbered the ‘No’, and served as a conversation starter about abuse and harassment. It’s of course necessary to point out that a personal slam on Facebook, however powerful, still excludes thousands of women who do not have access to social media.

But given the issue and its rate of occurrence, I doubt offline responses would be different from those online. Why is this even important? It is relevant in the current scenario, because we need #yesallwomen to speak up when #notallmen can be a trending hashtag. And till there is a change in the status quo, and all women have more ‘Yes’ than ‘No’ as their answer, it’s essential for women to speak up on the streets and it cyber space. The one who came up with the ‘Grim Version’ for women, as mostly is with Facebook is untraceable. But here’s a thank you to that person for asking the right questions, because by asking the correct questions, half the battle has already been won. Speaking of battles, now might be an opportune moment to wage one on the CBFC for its fuss about ‘Lipstick Under my Bhurka’. That too, could be a personal slam - #lipstickunderbhurka: Are you lady oriented? Have you thought about sex? Have you one or more fantasies?... (The writer is a Chennai-based activist, in-your-face feminist and a media glutton)

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