If I were to make a list of truly dangerous things that affect me on a very personal level; you can be assured that the list will be rather short. I don’t like Trump, and I’m scared that climate change will eventually wipe out the entire planet — but I’m super grateful, because while complaining is on the top five list of my favourite activities; my life is filled with enough privilege on the whole and I genuinely don’t have that much material on a serious level to constantly complain about.
The list of my irrelevant, superficial complaints on the other hand; is rather long. First World Problems, if you may. For starters, I would like to not have a zit on the exact same spot on my forehead each time I get my period. I would also like to look better in that one Altuzarra top which I bought because it was on sale — but now I’m scared that it’s way too white, way too ugly and way too fancy to wear… anywhere (which is probably why it was on sale). Finally, I would also like my mascara not clump so much.
I don’t understand this whole clumpy, spider-lash look. No thank you, I don’t want to go ham on my eye with five layers of mascara again — which probably equals the amount I’d wear in a week. I could see my eyelashes at all times, like a dark, fuzzy haze around my line of sight. I guess the only good part about this is that you legit cannot mess it up; since you know…it’s supposed to look like that.
Anyhow, you’re in luck! All my favourite readers who plan on hopping on to my Don’t-Clump-Or-Trump bandwagon get a super special starter pack today. I’ll come clean: you probably have too much product on your wand. And you’re not wiggling enough. Repeat after me: WIPE YOUR WAND AND WIGGLE! No seriously, find a napkin and just wipe off the extra product instead of pumping it in and out of the tube.
Sure this means you might waste some more formula, but something’s gotta give, right? The way I see it is that at least I’m not inviting more bacteria into the tube, and now I can actually use certain mascaras instead of looking at them with utter disgust, because it reminds me of all the money that went down the drain right into ClumpVille.
Lastly, buy a set of disposable wands. Buy them in bulk on Amazon, or stock up on them at the makeup-sampling section at Sephora. Ssh, I won’t tell. (Hi Sephora, yes, it is I, QueenSaumsRani, the woman who steals your mascara wands from the world over.) One mascara hack I’m still not quite able to figure out is how not to make that particularly funny face everyone does while applying it. See you next week, my pretties!
Saumya R Chawla
The writer loves to over-share, drink wine & watch period dramas