Once there was a debate between the Goddess of Fortune and God of Misfortune to settle who amongst them was beautiful. They decided to find out the same from a third person. They chose to meet a woman for an apt judgement. The woman they met was in a dilemma – if she were to judge the Goddess of Fortune as beautiful, then the God of Misfortune would invade her life and the other way round, the Goddess of Fortune could forsake her. She therefore asked for sometime on the pretext that she had to say her prayers before the judgement, so as to invoke her God for assistance.
The woman said, ‘Both of you re-enter my house and leave after a while.’ The Goddess and God were puzzled .. what a way to invite! They however, did what the woman wanted.
The woman gave her judgement. She said, ‘The Goddess of Fortune appears more beautiful while entering the house and the God of Misfortune appears more beautiful while leaving the house.’
This statement is true and at the same time tactful. This is called linguistic intelligence.
The following points are important in the field of communication:
Feel good about yourself
Do not be a victim to impress others; instead express yourself
Learn to avoid using ‘I’ and ‘Me’; instead use ‘You’ and ‘We’
Learn to make the other person comfortable in your presence
Practise – pause, pace, pitch and voice modulation while speaking
Learn to adopt emptying technique while convincing others
Emptying technique involves asking questions in such a way as to empty the others while bringing out their likes and dislikes. This would give us a picture of what the other wants, so that we can re-present our communication in an accommodating climate.
He again said, ‘I feel very uncomfortable when I socialize and I am at a loss while mingling with strangers.’
My advise to him was to practice the SOFTEN technique. While socializing, find out who among the strangers are S = Smiling, O = Open body posture, F = Friendly energy, T = Touching while talking, E = Eye contact, N = Nodding in affirmation. Then, strike a conversation with those who have such qualities. Invariably you will feel comfortable with them.
According to Yoga, there are three types of logic in communication.
Tarka - Just an empty logic without a context.
Kutarka - Logic which always justifies and protects one’s point of view.
Vitarka - Logic which emphasises having a breakthrough and not focusing on a breakdown.
In communication, if one adopts Vitarka, the words would be empowering and not overpowering. Whenever there is a conflict in relationship, learn to present your point of view; not thrust your point of view.
Let love be your centre while communicating. You will understand the other better rather than feeling bitter.