BENGALURU: I like heights but when I am on the terraces of the skyscrapers or the peak of the hill, I feel like jumping. Why is that? How do I keep a check on it?
You say you like heights and you also like to jump off from the same unsafe point. From psychological or philosophical perspective, an urge to jump can mean an urge to live life to the fullest. To be vulnerable is not a bad idea, if you are craving for a thrill, join adventure clubs and try vertical rappelling which are safe. Once you experience that fall in a structured manner, probably, you may outgrow the urge to fall off from the height. Even the suicides want to live! Till then, keep yourself away from unsafe heights. Life is precious. Falling off from unsafe heights can be dangerous. If you have problems checking on this impulse or spontaneous decisions, you can consult a clinical neuro psychologist for training up the pre frontal lobes. By the way, your age is not mentioned.
I am 24. My parents have been looking for a guy for me. We are a middle class Tamil family. My family is very conservative. They are hurrying into this. I am unable to decide if I am ready for it as I have many dreams yet to be fulfilled. I would like to travel the world with my friends. I do not know when I’ll be able to do it as I have financial and time constraints now due to my new job. Also, if I agree to my parents, how can I judge a person in one meeting? He will definitely act nice.
You have pursued your studies and now you have economic freedom, yes, you can plan for a holiday with friends and you have earned that fun! Keep your parents informed about your travel plans. Pssss!! By the way!! Seriously, marriage is also a wonderful travelogue.
No need to worry about financial constraints. Even nations suffer financial crisis. Unfortunately, families or educational institutions do not carry a syllabus for creation of wealth in personal life. Read the book Rich Dad and Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki. You will understand your beliefs about earning and rotating money. Beliefs drive behaviour, even money behaviour.
It is difficult to judge a person in one meeting and it is mutual for both men and women. Irrespective of the gender all of us are nice in the first few meetings and later it is a skill to navigate the relationship by accepting each other, giving space and avoiding possessiveness. If you are already beginning with a negative thought, you have to work on your positive approach to life.
Marriage is work. Yet, pushing off the marriageable age is not the solution, it only increases the anxiety of not getting married even among the rich class or not so conservative or the radical lot.
Marry but not at the cost of career and economic independence. Many women prioritise career over marriage because even if it is love before wedding there is plenty of scope for emotional trauma. Many girls are forced to resign from work post marriage to be stay at home wife or mom.
Life is only once and each one of us hence try to optimise our relationship with Time, Money, Love and People. If you build the relationship with values, then it becomes “investment” or minus the values it becomes “expenditure” and remember, you got to align individual, familial and societal values.”
- Dr Shubha Madhusudhan is a clinical psychologist, Fortis Hospital You may send your queries to email@example.com