BENGALURU: Dear Mr Trump, Namaskaram! I know that the event was called Namaste Trump, but down South, we prefer the word Namaskaram. Yours Truly hopes you had a wonderful trip to India, and hope you return soon.A visit by the POTUS has always created much cheer and fanfare in our country. Every time a POTUS visits, we are informed about the itinerary, agenda and most importantly – the menu.
But while it might be just another visit as the leader of the gluten-free world, for us Indians it is a matter of celebration. While you get to enjoy India’s vibrant culture and diverse ethos, we get to enjoy clean roads and cities. Prior to your visit to Agra, we were told that the authorities cleaned up the areas near the Taj. One also hears of fresh water being pumped into the Yamuna to reduce the stench. It is the kind of impetus that we as a nation need.
However, I have a humble request. The next time you visit India, please do visit the South of India too. If you visited Chennai, the Marina Beach could become as clean as Miami Beach. Or you could pay a visit to Hyderabad, a city so charming, it has a monument that you would no-doubt pronounce Char-minar. And finally, you could visit Bangalore. In fact, the official name ‘Bengaluru’ might even be easier for you to pronounce. It is the city of Raool Drraveed – a man who is not as worshipped as Suchin Tendulkay, but was one of the gentlemen of the gentleman’s game.
In fact, one gets a feeling you’d quite enjoy Bengaluru. As someone who hosted 14 seasons of the show The Apprentice, you’d be thrilled to know that Bengaluru is considered the start-up capital of India. In fact, you could run a season based in Bengaluru, titled The Intern. Thousands of interns run about the city, hustling through the city’s traffic. In fact, the traffic in Bengaluru could give those inBoston and Chicago stiff competition. It is often believed that most start-up ideas occur when stuck in the gruelling traffic.
Which is not to say it’s all bad, of course. In Indian scriptures, we learn that life is a journey of ups and downs. We embody this principle in our daily lives through the roads of the city. Potholes and speed breakers placed intermittently at unexpected corners provide one with the feeling of a roller-coaster ride. And if you’re in the mood for some snow, we could provide you with a close replica despite being a topical country.
The Bellandur Lake often spills into the city, and beautiful, white foam rises into the air. If one were to close one’s eyes (and nose) for a few moments, it wouldn’t be very different from a scene in the Alps. As someone deeply invested in Real Estate, you’d highly appreciate the fact that tenants must pay 10 months advance for a flat. The economic theory of laissez-faire is practised daily with auto-rickshaws, with least interference from the authorities.
However, if you have a few hours to spare, I’d request you to take a short flight on the Air Force One and visit my apartment. My apartment could do with some Indo-US invigoration. The security in my apartment consists of a man with a towel. The lift doesn’t work too well. But most importantly, the boundary wall of our apartment has been lying in shambles. I hear when you visit places, walls spring up at short notice. Those are my humble requests, Mr. POTUS. Thank you, visit again.The author’s views are his own.