BENGALURU: For most of their life, Ra couldn’t name the discomfort they felt regarding gender and sexuality, until about eight years ago, when they came across the term “non-binary”. “After that, my discomforts couldn’t be repressed quite as easily. I began to give myself space within my mind, within my bedroom to explore why I held this discomfort. With more education through resources online, I came out as bisexual and a year later as gender- fluid/non-binary. Since then my relationship with these labels has grown and changed, but they continue to bring me a sense of comfort and make it easy for others to put a name to the way I exist,” says the 26-yearold philosophy student.
Referring to American singer Demi Lovato’s recent coming out as a non-binary person, Ra says, Lovato’s “story speaks to the time and effort it takes in a cis-heteronormative world for a queer person to find themself and then to find the safe moment to tell everyone who they are,” says Ra. Tejaswi, editor at queer ezine Gaysi, said they identify as agender under the ‘non-binary’ umbrella term. “I don’t use gender to identify myself. I was always told that’s not how a girl sits or talks and I wondered - should I do what comes naturally to me or what a girl is expected to do?” says Tejaswi.
Rhea Kalauny Ramachandran (13), is still figuring out where they fit on the spectrum of identity. “I knew around the age of eight that I didn’t see myself as a girl. It only became a bigger deal when I went to a gender-segregated school and realised I didn’t identify as a boy either,” they says, adding that they learned of the term through their sibling, Rishi, who identifies as non-binary and pansexual. Rhea told their parents parents how they felt a few months ago.
“My father often asks me to explain things, but when it comes to acceptance, he’s fully on board,” says Rhea. Rhea’s father Pravin Ramachandran, says his children will always have his support. “My only concern is their safety. I told them that everyone may not accept them and that’s okay. But they should never accept disrespect either,” he says. While social acceptance is one thing, the law is another matter, says Tejaswi. “We’re still unseen in legal and policy matters. Look at forms.
Why must gender matter? Wouldn’t it be better, if you weren’t asked if you are male or female but if you are a menstruator or not? Sex education that goes beyond reproduction would be a good way to spread awareness from a young age,” they point out. The struggle to bring the law in line with life and love will go on. But for now, Ra is living a life where they no longer want to conform to existing notions of gender. Their state of being, “is a sense of exploration, a state of play. It is a way to say ‘I am not a girl, I am not a boy, see me as I am’.”