Health of a relationship

In the first place, a few things affect our mental wellbeing like the state of our relationships — romantic, familial, friendships, work and even social relationships.
Health of a relationship

BENGALURU: October 10 marked World Mental Health Day and this year, with its theme of mental health in an unequal world, it was especially apt to think of how unequal spaces for the people in a relationship can affect the mental health of everyone in the relationship. 

In the first place, a few things affect our mental wellbeing like the state of our relationships — romantic, familial, friendships, work and even social relationships. No person is an island, and our network of relationships are central to our wellbeing. If a loved one is sick or otherwise not doing well, we are not likely to be in the best of mental health ourselves. We would likely be worried sick ourselves, and when we are in situations of caring for anyone on an ongoing basis, that too has a direct impact on how we feel in ourselves. It really is not about the time that caring for someone takes, but about the thinking, worrying, fearing, planning and all the other mental tasks that one does. 

Under ordinary circumstances, when everyone is generally healthy and physically well, relationships can be awesome and a great boost for one’s mental health. It is ideally a safe space, an affirming space, an encouraging and motivating space for each person in the relationship to have a healthy sense of their own self, a place where each person can express their needs, expect their needs to be met and even when their needs cannot be met, that it is respected and accommodated in some fashion. 

Thing is, no loving relationship just happens between adults. It is created between them, by them. Relationships are quite literally a labour of love. Being able to hold up love and showing it through trust, respect and space, even when times are tough is what makes a relationship a safe space. Relationships need a healthy balance of closeness and space, of togetherness and individuality, of communication, celebration and quiet times. 

Relationships can weather much tough terrain, but if trust or respect or communication gets hurt, relationships themselves become tough terrain. It is even more so if the relationship was not quite an equal space for the people in it, and for all the talk of people being better halves or other fractions, the reality is that equal relationships are often not the norm. Social conditioning, gender-based norms, community practices, economic or other disparities make relationships an unequal space.

Distribution of power is lopsided, as is distribution of labour, and with that, the impact of the relationship on the mental health of each person in the relationship. In relationships where there are dependencies, especially financial or social dependencies, these power imbalances are all the more striking and with that the risks to mental health.

When we speak of mental health in an unequal world, can we really do so without acknowledging how unequal relationships often are in our homes and communities? Can we afford to ignore the impact of such inequality on our mental health?

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