BENGALURU : The coming of Ikea to Bengaluru caused quite the flutter among citizens. News of long lines, traffic jams, and three-hour queues caused citizens to raise their brows out of curiosity. If you’re among those that bought into the hype, here’s a column that will help you. 0 sells homes for the Instagram generation. Home interiors that are affordable, but also photogenic. Gone are the days when you would mentally wrestle with your neighbourhood carpenter for designs and prices.
Ikea provides you reelfriendly houses at seemingly affordable prices. The kind of furniture that will make your relatives jealous without blowing the lid off your savings. At the outset, I must admit that I am not the target audience for Ikea. I have mostly lived in hostels. My idea of a room is a bed, a table, and an ashtray. I have brought stray dogs and cats to live in my room with the graciousness of Krishna offering shelter to Sudama. My floor is used as the dustbin and thanks to my hair, you’ll find enough strands to excite homicide detectives. Ikea is clearly too fancy for me. But who has ever been able to curb human curiosity? The first thing you’ll notice is that Ikea trusts you more than your Class 7 class teacher.
They expect you to shop, pick the products, take them home - and FIX THEM YOURSELF! This is clearly a lack of market research, for we Indians like our work done for us — whether it is cooking, washing, or booking tickets on Tatkal. We like our food prepared, our tea served hot. In fact, if you walk into your local furniture shop, they will seat you, show you around the shop, serve you chai, pack and parcel your items, and even deliver them to your doorstep. But here are the tips one must follow before visiting an Ikea for the first time. As someone with experience, I implore you to follow these rules. Visiting an Ikea is a whole day’s work. Exercise, practice walking, and hydrate. If you bring children along, do apply for a Padmashri medal for your patience.
Also, remember to carry a mask with you. They don’t allow you inside without one. Secondly, all the ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ while looking at the products could spread the virus among the crowd there. If you feel like taking a break, you’ll find wonderful sofas and beds laid out for you. If people question, tell them you’re testing the bed’s performance during deep sleep. Since Ikea is a foreign company, we are mostly at our best behaviour. Honestly, a few hours inside Ikea, I began to miss the homely feel of my local Big Bazaar — with the red patches of paan, and filth thrown here and there.
The next tip is to get to the cafeteria first. Ikea offers unlimited coffee and soft drinks for customers, and if you’re like me — you’ll walk out feeling like Superman on drugs after consuming all the free coffee. Remember to first stuff yourself with food, you’ll need the energy for the rest of the day. The assistants in Ikea all wear Tshirts that say ‘Hej’. Apparently, it means ‘Hello’ in Swedish. Don’t assume it’s the assistant’s name and embarrass yourself like I did. Finally, do the most Indian thing. Take pictures, and then compare prices online or with your local furniture shop. By the time you return home tired and exhausted, you’ll crash on your bed, and realise that you had the most beautiful bed right in your room!