BENGALURU: As netizens in the age of social media news, we are bombarded with many stories. Most of them pass by us as a blur, but some stick. I found a news report last week saying rats in UP had eaten up 200 kilos of cannabis that were seized at a police station. My first reaction was ‘Of course! Of course, the rats ate it all!’
But one must not question the government’s verdicts on these matters, so like a good citizen, I went with it. The more you think about it, it seems mildly plausible. The rats were from UP, no less. UP is home to the Taj, and boasts of a rich heritage of history and culture but law and order is not really their strong suit. One must also not forget the role of rats. They do not have ethics to abide by, making them ‘sarva-vores’.
They do not enjoy the patronising company of human beings. Even the most ardent animal lovers coil with disgust over sighting a rat. Rats are at the bottom of the food chain, eaten by every single creature around them. Leave your pets unmonitored for an hour, and they’ll pounce on a rat. Rats are hustlers – they eat whatever they get and enter spaces with an entrepreneurial spirit.
This brings us to the next question – do rats get high? I studied commerce in school, but I assume they do as most human experiments are first conducted on rats. Rats have small appetites, so assuming that an average rat eats about 200 grams in one go, you’d still need about a thousand rats to attack the cannabis godown. I can imagine the joy of the rats – after scrounging through gutkha splatters and leftovers chancing upon the herb of the gods! It must have been like Ratatouille. I wonder if they walked the lanes more fearlessly, smiling at cats and dogs on the streets. I wonder if they looked up to the sky, looking predators in the eye.
Maybe it was their version of Woodstock – where free-spirited, hippie rats got together to discuss revolutionary ideas. Perhaps they visited the delicious sweet shops in UP, feasting on all the delicacies that are raved about on YouTube. Upon further research, I found that this wasn’t an isolated incident. When the Bihar government banned alcohol in 2017, police reported rats consuming ‘thousands of litres of seized alcohol’. Attacks on seized cannabis have also been reported twice earlier. Which can only mean one thing – a revolution is quietly fermenting among the UP rats. Perhaps they are a brand of renegade revolutionaries – attacking booze stocks, ransacking cannabis sacks, and living their lives wild and free.
Perhaps they are fighting for rights. Languishing at the bottom of the food chain, rats need isolation from their predators. As a human being who believes in human rights, I firmly believe we are sympathetic to photogenic animals. I find it cruel that the humble rat can be eaten by everybody around it. As an animal lover, I am with the rats in this one. May they get to feast on all that is denied to humans. Long may their revolution last!
(The writer’s views are his own)