BENGALURU: There is a popular Instagram reel going around these days that starts with a person calling a long-term friend of theirs and starting with a simple statement: “Hey, remember this person I was dating? I am no longer dating them.” Upon hearing that, the friend immediately reacts with great joy and says jubilantly, “That is such great news!
That one was so wrong for you! It was such a terrible match and we were all wondering how you could even be with this one – we were all just waiting for you to break up. Everyone is going to be super thrilled that this is over for you!” At that moment, the person quite awkwardly says, “I am not dating them any longer because we just got married,” and there is an “Oh no,” moment which is very much the point of the reel.
It has been getting remade over and over by content creators across the globe, adapted in each iteration to the specifics of the cultural background of the content creators, with a sprinkling of very colourful language, sometimes with the whole thing being a video call, and the new spouse making a late but impactful appearance, but in every instance, it ends with all of the characters looking embarrassed, guilty, angry and a whole lot of other emotions. While the Instagram reels are edited for the greatest shares and highlight the humour and emotional drama of the situation, it hits home because the basic scenario is something many of us would have encountered.
What do we do when someone we love, loves someone we cannot love?
Among groups of friends, or even family, these situations are often very real challenges.
Shakespeare made a living writing about star-crossed lovers, whose families and friends not only disapprove of the love blossoming between the lead characters but actively sabotage the relationship, often to tragic ends. We may not have the intense rivalries that the Montagues and the Capulets had amongst our friends and family, but there are certainly intense feelings that get generated when someone we love brings into the group someone we cannot love.
Often, we try and include the new person anyway, going out of our way to be nice, to be kind, and to be a true friend, but that doesn’t always work. Some of us might think we should just stay quiet and not get in between the two. If it is just that we do not ‘get’ what our friend sees in this person, then that’s quite fine. However, at times when we know things about the chosen partner that our friend may not know, or this person has been very odd or off with us, we may just need to choose to do an intervention – getting our friend alone and share what we think, even at the risk that our friend might just get super offended and cut us off for a while, or even altogether.
Love is about taking risks, and sometimes the risk we need to take is about losing someone we love.
(The writer’s views are personal)