This week, standup comedian Kunal Kamra achieved something every established standup comedian in India does – an FIR registered for a joke. The venue, Habitat, was vandalised by political goons, and has permanently shut down. As someone whose entire livelihood depends on humour writing, it raises a number of questions. But since life is unpredictable and pointless, I would like to impart some information to young, aspiring humourists of the country.
Before you even begin your performance, provide a disclaimer. We love disclaimers. For example, when an actor is shown drinking on screen, we must provide a warning. The same goes for smoking, or violence. Even PUBG had to remove blood, and replace it with green feathers that floated out when someone died in the game. Apologise in advance. Apologise to the audience, the District Magistrate, the police, and everybody in general. Just like movies have a Thank You card, provide an apology before beginning your set.
In standup comedy, there is a concept of ‘punching up’ - where one pokes fun at the people in power– rulers, ruling parties, leaders. But these are Western ideas. Indian humourists like Tenali Raman and Birbal always praised their rulers while being funny. In India, it is advisable to follow the concept of ‘punching in blank space’. Choose mundane topics that will not offend anybody – mosquitoes, husband-wife jokes, or jokes on cricket or hockey. Stay away from the Holy Trinity of Offence in India – religion, politics, and sex. Making fun of religion and gods is obviously not on the cards. When popular writers like Salman Rushdie have gotten stabbed on stage, it is better not to risk your career so early. Jokes on sex are obviously wrong. Especially in a country with a high number of criminal cases, it is a known fact that when a potential offender listens to a joke on sex, a fire lights up in his loins, and drives him to commit terrible crimes.
Jokes on politics should obviously be avoided at all costs. Before cracking a political joke, it is advisable to get permission from the politician, an affidavit from a notary, signed by a gazetted officer, and submitted to the nearest police station. Standup is obviously not the platform for discussing politics. For real political humour, wait till elections come up. Watch as politicians hurl insults at each other, or as they masterfully wield sarcasm in electoral promises. Find out what offends people. For as the Latin saying goes ‘Because he was offended, he must obviously be right’. And anything could be offensive. A joke on your iPhone? It could be offensive to the atma of Steve Jobs (with a capital J, of course. For if you mention ‘jobs’ – that could be offensive some).
In other countries, you’ll often be met with a response of ‘What a joke!’ But in India, ask yourself – ‘What is a joke?’. As we all know, a joke is a binding statement that is truer than the Upanishads, Quran, and Bible put together. Making fun of someone is worse than terrorism. If you are trying jokes on religion, politics, or sex – it is advisable to choose a venue that is an illegal encroachment. So when the venue is vandalised by political goons, it is at least good for society in some way!
Disclaimer: The opinions of the author are not meant to offend any person, community, religion, caste, creed, political party, blood group, a member of any club, housing society, colony, city or state/union territory. The author does not intend to offend any people (living, dead, or about to be born), or to animals, birds, insects, extraterrestrial beings, ghosts, and spirits.
(The writer’s views are personal)