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Want a 'Get Out of Hell Free' Card

Published: 23rd March 2016 04:45 AM  |   Last Updated: 23rd March 2016 04:45 AM   |  A+A-

want

CHENNAI: Kjeld Shreshth (yes, you read that right) is a Tamil stand-up comedian who is now settled in Bengaluru. Growing up in a conservative Catholic household, Kjeld had a brush with religion more often than he’d like. Excerpts from a ‘divine’ chat

First thing you’d say if god appears before you?

I would point to my face and then yell “Why God? Why? Why God!”

One thing you would ask god for?

I would ask god for ‘a get out of hell free’ card just in

case I screw up at some point of time in my life

What profession do you think god would take up if he was on earth?

God would be a comedian. And I think he’d be an observational comic, just standing there talking shit about his own creations and saying things like “OH-MY-SELF! Look at this guy! He looks so stupid! Who the hell gave YOU life?”

If god was a woman?

I’m pretty sure god is a woman, because she keeps telling people that only she can bring life into this world.

Three things you would do if you were god?

(a) Start my own religion because I want one too (b) Remove all the negative side effects of alcohol consumption and smoking (c) Abolish guilt about masturbation.

Your most godly encounter ever?

I once got really drunk on top of a church in Munnar on the side of a hill and when we got back down, I was suddenly overcome with this deep feeling of guilt of having desecrated a holy place. In my search for penance, I started to strip away my clothes and walk drunkenly into the woods, where I knelt down and begged god for forgiveness... But it soon dawned on me that I was kneeling down, butt-naked, in the woods, on the side of a hill. And that if a snake chose to bite me at that time, I would most definitely die. I immediately ran out and was lucky to find at least my boxers. God has a sense of humour and I don’t like it.

Funny thing in a place of worship?

I generally can’t remember because I’m sleeping there all the time... If I’m going to hell for the things I said here, hope some of you join me there to laugh. 

 (As told to Varun B Krishnan)

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