CHENNAI: From indulging in healthy conversations to having a supportive attitude, consultant psychiatrist Sujatha Velmurugan from Kauvery Hospital, Chennai, shares a few pointers for parents to keep in mind while handling a teen going through puberty.
A significant transition
Bodily changes, hormonal imbalance and erratic emotions. Puberty marks the transition from childhood to young adulthood, it’s the time for self-discovery, physical and emotional development. It not only brings about many changes for the child but also the parent.
Physical changes begin anywhere between seven to 13 years of age in girls and nine to 14 years of age in boys. Facial hair, increased perspiration, oil secretion, development of reproductive organs, voice break and growth of body parts are a few signs.
Some may be sensitive about how they look with the occurrence of bodily changes. If children spend too much time in front of the mirror, call them aside and check on them if they’re doing okay.
Establishing an identity
Puberty is exciting and special. Children become ambivalent — they feel independent and also need parental support. They establish their identity by creating new friends and experiences to explore sexuality. They encounter challenges and also seek more responsibilities by taking up a part-time job or leadership roles.
Some children experience extreme turmoil because of physical, sexual, social and emotional changes. They experience variations in their energy level. Privacy and personal space become important to them.
They alternate between feeling conscious, and going free and wild. These changes show that the child is creating and learning to be an independent adult. We should help them develop their decision-making skills.
They must be made to understand the consequences of their action through reassurance. Be compassionate and tell them that changes are normal. Praise them for their efforts and achievement.
Judgement-free environment
They want to prove themselves with their new and developing identity. When they come to you with ideas or suggestions, don’t brush them aside. Show them that you are interested in the topic and are keen to be involved. Give them the impression that you are available anytime to talk and the child will not be judged.
Support self-expression
What they do might seem odd to you. For instance, a haircut that does not go with societal norms or unconventional clothing choices. Better to have a conversation instead of being judgemental about it. Parents need to understand the power of words.
Start a dialogue
When they try to communicate a sensitive issue, don’t be shocked and do not interrupt. Listen, empathise and then start the dialogue. Don’t challenge them or immediately criticise. Look into the behaviour and try to understand where they’re coming from. Put yourself in the child’s shoe.
Building self-esteem
We need to stay calm when there’s anger outburst from the teen. Wait for them to cool down before talking about the problem. We constantly lecture them. Instead, ask questions as to what and why a certain thing happened and how they think the situation can be handled better.
It builds their self-esteem. As one grows, they have their own choices. Instead of choosing for them, help them choose. We keep expectations on one hand and are in for disappointment when it’s not met. Have a common perspective.
It’s okay to not be okay
A child can be an introvert or an extrovert. Make peace with their personality, work on their strengths and gently push them out of their comfort zone. If you see them going through mood swings or emotional changes, you need to let them know that it’s okay to not be okay. We need to let them understand it’s not a sign of weakness or character flaw.
Draw the line
In the past few years, technology has taken over and social media has become a great influencer. Peer pressure has increased. Instead of looking into their potential, the children are looking at what others accomplish. Coping mechanism and problem-solving skills are relatively low in this generation.
Everyone is looking for instant gratification. They want things to be done their way. Do not let your child succumb to the internet world. Teach them their limits.
Positive change is that parental communication with children has increased. School management can also foster a relationship with the teen rather than being an authoritative figure. Help them understand that teachers can be approached at any time without stigma and the fear of being judged.