CHENNAI: Aravind Sivakumar couldn’t tell if it was the alarm or his mother calling out to him that woke him up. It’s relatively (a lot of emphasis on ‘relatively’) early on a Tuesday morning but it really could have been any day; it would not have made much of a difference.
For three months now, since he came back home from residential school after his class 12 board exams, his schedule has been the same. He wakes up way too early for what one would call a vacation, spends most of his time cocooned in his room preparing for NEET, breaks only for meals (or when boredom bites or snacks come calling) and designated periods of rest.
Having started work on studying for the medical entrance test two years ago, the stress that comes with it isn’t new to him. But nothing could have prepared him for what the virus-induced lockdown had to add to that. And he isn’t the only one battling personal woes — however small — during the pandemic.
Months into the lockdown, the extent of damage — physical, emotional, economical — it has caused the people around us and in our lives could not be more evident. Even those of us with privilege and safety securely on our side, have had trouble making peace with the ‘new normal’.
Even as we hold on to our taboo and misguided notions of mental health, we seem to have reluctantly opened up public spaces for those in need of help. Yet, these spaces and conversations — by design or simply by oversight — still remain out of reach of children. We often forget that the tiny humans, with very little means to articulate the workings of their inner worlds, may be in need of help too. For as much as this unprecedented scale of isolation has been difficult on the adult population, it has been equally so for their younger counterparts.
Troubles in childhood
For Aravind, a hitherto active life has been reduced to one with just a single task. Even that happens to be the unpleasant one of preparing for a daunting test. All the extra stress and frustration needs some vent; here, it happens to be his mother. “All day, I study, trouble my mother from time and time, and scream at people when the tension builds up,” he admits. His friend Yugeshwaran, preparing for JEE mains, on his part, seems to be able to help ease the stress, he says.
Such manifestations have not been isolated to teenagers, and it doesn’t just stop with this level of severity. Abhinav Sivakumar (10), who reports to have had it pretty good in the past few months, says he has trouble sleeping; simply because of the uncertainty that’s been ushered in by the lockdown. A four-year-old in one part of the city is showing signs of depression. “He keeps wandering around the house for hours, without reason. He’s already well-versed in the workings of smartphones, and pretty good at games like PUBG and Garena Free Fire. Now, he’s almost addicted to it. Parents, with no other means to handle the child, allow him more screen time. If this is denied to him, he throws a tantrum, doesn’t stop crying. He has always been rewarded for crying and it’s become a problem now. He has younger sibling; so, sharing his parents’ love and attention with the kid also seems to be hitting him hard. The lockdown has only made it worse,” narrates Vincent*, a friend of the family.
While the spectrum swings between those making optimum use of the time at hand and those going down a dark, twisty spiral, many children seem to fall somewhere in between — missing the mundane pleasures of life before lockdown. It’s hitting them all the more, now that online classes have begun and pushed back any chance of normalcy returning with the start of the new term. “It’s (online classes) not as good as going to school. There, you can enjoy with your friends, you’ll have playtime together. With online classes, you can’t even talk to your friends and there is no room for interaction,” says 14-year-old Shreyas.
Abhinav, going against the set stereotype we hold for children his age, is concerned about the increased screen time he is having to get used to. “We have online classes from 7 am to 1 pm. Then, there are two hours of tuition. We have not received the books for the year; so any studying is done with the soft copies on the laptop. Even for entertainment, we have to come back to the TV or mobile — a different screen. There is a lot of strain on the eyes and I’m worried that I might develop a power,” he says. There is quite some stress from this new way of learning, he admits. Without the reassurance of solid books, he is having some trouble adjusting to the regimen. Online classes too are hanging on many variables — Internet connection, power supply, laptop’s functional integrity — that are out of his hands, it seems.
FOMO factor
As much as the world has collectively abused the term ‘fear of missing out’, this sentiment seems to be a major cause of anxiety for children stuck at home. They miss their friends, pointing out that video calls and text messages do only so much to compensate for real presence. Aravind would have loved to go on the Kerala vacation he had planned with his friends. With higher education in the demanding field of medicine hanging over his head, he doesn’t see when he’ll get to work out the plan again. Shreyas had plans to meet his extended family during the summer months. Now, he is stuck home on the outskirts of the city, far from any relative. Abhinav gets a little whimsical as he admits that he misses the everyday noises (including the traffic noises) of the city and its many lights. He also desires human interaction — the direct, personal kind.
Sunitha Vijay, who was till recently teaching kindergartners, is concerned about how this might affect the socialising skills of children. “My colleagues report that even kindergarten children say that they don’t like online classes and they want to come back to school instead. Even at that age, they are able to understand that it would be better if they go to school where they can meet everyone and play with them. I’m sure children of every age group feel the same way. It is very difficult for isolation is not what humans want. But of course, with the virus going around, there is no other way,” she surmises.
This concern is shared by psychiatrist Vivian Kapil too. Citing his one-year-old child as an example, he says that the little one could not handle the recent visit from his grandparents after having been isolated with just his parents for four months now. “If it is a young child like mine, they might outgrow it; they might not even remember it. With regards to adolescents or children on the cusp of it, it might have a bigger impact on how they handle social interactions. This can result in social anxiety. While this can usually happen in adolescence, they get out of it when exposed to a number of social situations. But this (situation) complicates it,” he explains.Vivian notes that children, especially teenagers, are likely to have anxiety in the face of such uncertainty. But the way they manifest this anxiety may not be the same as it is with adults. It is important that parents do not brush it off, for unchecked, it could fester in them and lead to anxiety disorder, he warns.
Talk it out
As challenging as it may be for the children living through these changes, and for parents grappling to address the issues that could come up, it is vital keep all lines of communication open, advises Divya Jain, sports and counselling psychologist head at Psychological Services Department of Mental Health and Behavioural Sciences, Fortis Healthcare. “Talking is so important. There is so much stigma about mental health and talking about one’s feelings. That aspect needs to be addressed and people need to become comfortable with the idea of being able to talk and share their feelings. And the same will then also be role-modelled by children. Creating an environment where kids can ask questions, their concerns are not dismissed or brushed under the carpet, should be encouraged,” she details.
On his part, Vivian suggests that participating in activities with the children (activities that the latter like) might allow room for them to open up about their insecurities and anxieties. And now is not the time to put a cap on screen time, he offers. “We have all these gadgets and digital modes of communication. This can help children stay in touch with their friends and peers. Parents can watch over this — they should not breach the children’s privacy but also ensure that it doesn’t turn detrimental (in terms of cyber bullying, say) for the kids. Supervised freedom is what we can advocate for at this time,” he explains.
Without creating an invalidating or intimidating environment, it is important to reassure children that this situation is temporary, suggests Vivian. Divya seconds the notion. “Now is when children can get to spend more time with the family, with the grandparents. They get their social and emotional needs met at home; at the same time, they get to stay connected with their friends and having a routine (online classes and such). We have to keep in mind that this is a short cross-section in a longitudinal axis; we have to take this one day at time. If we can use this time positively, parents will have to role-model positive behaviour. If we can do that, once things resolve, kids will be able to adapt and go back to their normal selves,” she offers.
Even amid all this uncertainty, children find ways to look at the brighter picture. Shreyas says he has never been this productive during the summer vacation — he got to read a lot and draw too. Nandita Vijayaraman, 11 years old and thriving, has kept herself super busy with craft projects and Skillshare courses. She also finds time to feed the birds on the terrace and play with the cats that share her apartment building. Veronica (13) too has found great entertainment in craftwork and games with her younger brother Akash (10). M Sai Shravan (9) is pretty pleased about all the games he gets to play with his parents and little sister. If these kids can offer a silver lining in such bleak times, perhaps there’s more in store for us.
*Name changed