Sharing household chores, setting aside family time, getting to know each other better — the lockdown has come as a boon for some parents and children, who were hitherto buried deep in professional and academic commitments
CHENNAI: In the face of all that’s bleak, human beings — more often than not — are driven to find that silver lining, or that stray spot of brightness. Anything that would keep us going from one disaster to another. A pandemic and global economic distress notwithstanding, this extraordinary reliance on optimism (in varying levels) has not deserted our kind. While thousands and thousands strive to find that piece of thread to stitch together the hope for a slightly better tomorrow, a fortunate few have it easy. They do not have to look hard and long to find what they have stood to gain from this restrictive lockdown and the resultant work-from-home routine — unprecedented quality time with their children.
Shamala Naren and Naren Kumar would attest to this short-term privilege.
On a regular day, Shamala’s alarm would ring at 5.30 am. A therapist at a special school, she would start her day with a jog and pick up groceries on her way home. Naren, meanwhile, would prepare breakfast and get ready to leave for his morning shift at an automobile firm. After the parents take off, their three-year-old son, Vinay, would be left in the care of his paternal grandparents. This was a well-established routine.
Happiness comes in all sizes
Things have not been the same since the lockdown and, for once, in a good way. With both parents working from home, they find themselves making up for all the lost time over the past three years. “I used to feel bad for leaving the baby with our aged parents but we did not have an option. We’ve missed most of our son’s milestones and this is the time to make up to it. We divide our baby-time equally, so that it doesn’t affect our work-home balance. I feed the kid, play, and read stories to him. Naren does some indoor exercises with him.
We’ve seen a great improvement in his motor skills, speech development, and attachment patterns. It gives both of us some satisfaction and motivation as new parents that we can do a better job,” shares Shamala, who wants to make this a routine even after the lockdown. She feels that now is the best time to experiment with parenting styles. “Sometimes I get flustered with work and turn grumpy. Juggling work, home and having a baby can be ‘mission impossible’. That’s when my in-laws come to the rescue. I catch some sleep and make use of the much-needed me-time to get rejuvenated. We all have our highs and lows. I think all of us are trying to do our best with parenting,” she says.
When folks become friends
Renuka and Vishal Menon are finding what life is like with both their teenage kids locked in with them. The IT professionals have seldom spent time with their kids — 13-year-old Akshaya and 16-year-old Ananya — except for a month-long vacation in May every year. “Either his parents or mine or the nanny used to take care of the kids when they were young. We were career-oriented and running behind money. The past two months have been annoyingly hectic. Renu and I have been trying to understand these boisterous girls with teen problems. The girls get cranky and they call it hormonal issues. They use funky language and code words. With time, we realised that spending time with the kids separately, like friends, eventually helped them open up to us and accept us in a better way,” says Vishal.
For Ananya, the older of the two girls who spent most of her childhood being a latchkey child, this break has given her a chance to enjoy simple pleasures that had otherwise remained elusive. “Our house has never been full. Either one of our parents will always be busy with something. We don’t know each other’s favourites or remember the dates of important events. I don’t even remember the last time all of us watched a film together. Our lives were packed with schedules and we never made time for each other. By the time mom and dad come home, my sister and I finish our dinner and get to bed. They were busy even during the weekends, catching up with other friends and family.
I’m glad that this quarantine happened. I get to spend time with them; no matter how crazy it gets or how much we fight with each other.” The girls attend their Zoom classes till noon, while the couple attends to video conferences and clients at work. Evenings are for the family to unwind on the terrace and play with their pet dog Rob. “Weekends are fun. Akshaya and I cook lunch and breakfast. Vishal and Ananya prepare dinner. We’ve trained the girls with basic recipes. All of us take turns to do the household chores so that no one feels exhausted. We watch two films on Saturday and Sundays. We spend our no-screen time with books, carrom, cards. Vishal is also taking basic finance lessons for the girls and I do yoga with them every morning. We don’t want them to feel privileged and constantly talk to them about various problems plaguing the society,” says Renu.
Change begins at home
This pandemic-induced lockdown may have been unwelcome for a few parents. For others, this has been a much sought-after break that they can use to bond with their children. Anusha Vinay is one such beneficiary. The teacher-cum-single mother says, “I’ve often felt guilty for not being able to spend time with my eight-year-old Vidur. He lost his father at the age of four. I’ve been the bread-winner since then. He goes to the same school as where I teach. In the evenings, he attends his cricket coaching, while I take math tuition for kids in our apartment. Both of us are tired after dinner and crash early.
There’s not a day that went by without wishing for more time with the little one.” This lockdown has been a blessing in disguise for the mother-son duo. Anusha has been training Vidur in the kitchen with chopping vegetables, washing utensils, and sweeping. After Zoom classes, the duo sits together and studies for a while. “Both of us have been maintaining a gratitude journal for the past two years and it has been really helpful. We watch interesting lectures or storytelling sessions on Instagram in the afternoon or take a power nap. We video-call his grandparents in the evening. I’m talking to him about sharing workloads, and moral and religious values. The boy does his bed, cleans his plates, and makes coffee for both of us,” shares Anusha.
Small steps begin at home. Vidur feels more confident and chirpy these days. He has many interesting things to share with his friends when they connect on a video call every weekend. “My momma’s the best. I love saying it again and again to my friends. They’re amused when I say I made a cold coffee or a cheese sandwich. Most of them attend video classes or play video games but they don’t do anything that’s extra fun. I’m happy that mom is keeping me busy round-the-clock. She engages me in several activities that I’ve never done so far. I enjoy helping her out too. It’s just the two of us at home and she’s the best companion. I will have so much to tell my teachers and other friends when the school reopens,” says Vidur.
Being there for each other
A few families, with one of the parents living abroad, have been dwelling in uncertainty for a few months now. Sano Ahmed and her nine-year-old son, Sameer Ahmed, are facing a tough time with Sameer’s dad living miles away. “My husband Ahmed Saleem has been working in Abu Dabi for the last seven years. With the current situation, neither can he come here nor can we go there. We know that he has self-quarantined himself and I am reassured of his safety. Our little boy was looking forward to meeting his dad during Ramzan. Saleem usually spends a month with us. Now, he’s disappointed and it’s challenging to get him to understand that his dad’s not going to be here this year. Ahmed calls us five or six times a day but nothing can compensate for the physical presence,” rues Sano, a business analyst.
Sano has been trying to keep up the Ramzan vibes for the mother-son duo through virtual iftar and prayers with family members. “This Ramzan is going to be different for us since we’ve always celebrated it together as a family. I’ve been able to fast peacefully this year, without outdoor commitments. My mother stays with us and helps me take care of Sameer. She’s been of great support during this rough phase. I’ve been preparing iftar delicacies under her guidance for Sameer. Video calls have been really helpful in staying connected with Ahmed.
He tells Sameer stories and I also keep him engaged with Arabic and Quran classes,” says Sano.Inculcating life skills, encouraging open conversations, imparting moral values...parents are finally getting to spend quality time with their kids and looking forward to newer beginnings. Will this transform their relationship dynamics forever? Will this pave way for newer routines? Shape their approach towards parenting styles? They are finding out every day.