Flowers that bloom in caring conditions

Bengaluru-based Suparna shares his journey of coming to terms with his trans identity as an AFAB person and the positive role a good workplace can play in the same
Flowers that bloom in caring conditions

CHENNAI: I always knew that I don’t fit in the place society has created, one that distinctly spells out what is female and male. In my childhood, it triggered me when someone gave me female clothing as a gift. I was never one to play with dolls or cooking sets. I come from a small village in West Bengal, 60 kilometres from Bhutan. You can imagine that 30 years ago there, people were not open-minded and wanted to see a girl child as one dressed in frocks and saris. So, when puberty came around, I felt like I didn’t fit in my body. I thought things might be easier once I mature but I slipped into depression when I was 15-16 years old and it began to hamper my education.

I was good at studies but I failed my Class 12, a surprise to my parents. They thought it was my fault, but no matter how much I studied, I couldn’t concentrate. I decided that one day, I would get out of that place and make something of myself.

For my higher education, I landed in Kolkata with my brother. There too, people looked at me as if I was another creature. I understood that place too was not for me. I needed to go somewhere where I would be accepted but I didn’t know where; my whole life had been in West Bengal. Thankfully, I met my best friend in Sikkim who convinced me to come to Bengaluru.

New beginnings
Once I was in Bengaluru, I cut my hair very short (I never grew it again). I joined a company referred to me by an old friend and while there were no LGBTQIA+ groups there, nobody hated me for it. In fact, everyone spoke to me very well and my manager loved me because I was a good employee. But the company I work for now supports LGBTQIA+ actively. It was recommended to me by my best friend’s husband, who plays a huge role in my life, helping me transform my physique.

They organise parades for Pride month, they have a group where they post not just for the benefit of those who are part of the community, but also other employees. They educate the staff, cleaners and guards. When someone like me is using the women’s washroom, often the staff looks at us and suggests doing otherwise. They educate them that they shouldn’t point this stuff out. They also have a toilet that is for other genders, handicapped people, or anyone who is not comfortable using the men’s or women’s washroom. Furthermore, they even include us in videos or other activities and are sponsoring insurance for our operations. They cover 80 per cent of the cost which is a huge amount.

Support and building a life
Older people from the community know that when they don’t have a good environment like this, their talent is affected a lot. I used to sing, play the mouth organ. Being a Bengali, I would play instruments, but I lost interest in all of it. I would only go to the office and work to forget everything (else in my life). People like taking breaks because they have other things to do but I never took breaks. Whenever there was a problem, I would go and work hard instead to forget it. But being in this workplace has helped me change this. Now, I have started to party again with my friends. I still don’t go everywhere but I’m no longer in a shell. I have begun talking openly about my problems and sharing my identity.

At my first job, I had faced rejection from someone and the way they rejected me was very hurtful. But now, with this confidence, if someone knows of my identity and rejects me, it doesn’t matter to me. Now I know that there are others who support me. And perhaps I am a good person because they don’t hate me. This confidence comes only with an environment of support.

These groups are also important for information. There is no roadmap or directions to follow when it comes to exploring your identity. It’s very complicated. I have heard of people who go through with transitioning and then realise they may not have wanted that. This is also awareness that people are provided through other members in the group.  

A few years ago, I was mentally prepared to leave India for a place that was more accepting. But now, I want to stay here. That is not to say there aren’t still problems to deal with — I am still working on convincing my mother. While my sister-in-law supports me, my brother and father are yet to be made aware and they are not particularly supportive of the queer community. But being on these groups has helped me realise that while things are difficult for me, there are others as well — some from different faiths — who are being pushed into marriage.

When I think about my life, I feel like I have overcome a lot, come a long, long way. My childhood was so bad that I have erased most of it. But I am happy with where I am right now.
 

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