Delhi

Asexuality: Understanding the misunderstood

Anjani Chadha

When it comes to figuring where someone fits on the queer spectrum, people are often confused as to what the ‘A’ in LGTBTQIA+ denotes. While most confuse it with ‘allies’ of the community, the letter actually stands for ‘asexuality’—a sexual orientation wherein an individual does not experience or has less interest in sexual contact with their partners.

Asexuality is an umbrella term that houses diverse identities that vary with respect to sexual and romantic orientation. The asexual community has long been in the shadows and it is only recently that people are finally familiarising themselves with the intricacies of being asexual (or aces as they’re known).

We speak to a few aces who bust a few myths that people have about this queer identity.

MYTH: ‘Asexual people are anti-sex’
Given that asexuals lack sexual attraction towards others or have a disinterest in the idea of sex, many individuals believe that the community has an anti-sex attitude. This often leads to people excluding them from conversations about sexuality. However, this belief is untrue. Namrata, a writer and life coach who identifies as aromantic and asexual explains, “Your attitude towards sex and your sexual orientation are two different things. Even if I am asexual, I am sex-positive. So, if other people want to have consensual sex, I totally support them in exploring their sexuality. It is just that I am not interested,” shares the 38-year-old from South Delhi.

MYTH: ‘Asexuality is reversible’
A major misconception about asexuality is that it is believed that aces can become interested in sex or converted into “non-asexuals”. Raj (28) from Agra, who is the founder of Indian Asexuals, recounts how he was once impelled by another queer individual who affirmed that “he could turn him into liking sex”. “This is a major misconception within the queer community. They feel they are homosexual so others in the community too would feel the same, and fail to recognise that there is something called homo-asexual,” shares Raj. People also believe that asexual people just need to meet the ‘right person’ who can help them unravel their sexual desires. This is also false and differs significantly from individual to individual.

MYTH: ‘Asexuality is a lifestyle choice’
Asexuality is often considered a lifestyle choice just like celibacy. “Sexual orientation is very different from someone choosing to lead a certain lifestyle to achieve a particular goal,” shares Shambhavi Saxena (28) from Gurugram. Saxena also shares how a lot of believing that asexuality—especially among girls—exists only until a certain age, post which—or after being in a relationship—they will start enjoying sex and romantic relationships. “A lot of people associate asexuality with childhood and innocence. Many people feel that say, after 18, girls are no more asexual and invalidate the fact that it [asexuality] is a legitimate identity,” she explains, adding that this belief leads to infantalisation of asexuals who are perceived naive about sex.

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