HYDERABAD: A scene from a Bollywood film
Dr Sudhakar Krishnamurti and Dr Kiran dated for seven full years with their parents’ approval before tying the knot in 1982. They moved to Hyderabad in 1985 and settled down. “Never surreptitiously, because we had parents’ approval from both sides. Our parents knew we were very much together (at age 18). We told them so,” recalls Sudhakar.
“Kiran and I met filmy syle in 1975, at the admission queue of Topiwala (Nair) Medical College in Mumbai. Kiran was struggling with some bulky files and documents which kept falling from her grip repeatedly. Watching this damsel in distress from behind, I seized the moment and jumped to her rescue, gathering all files and papers from the floor and offering to hold them until she finished her interview! Some time later I watched Randhir Kapoor do the same in a film,” laughs Dr Sudhakar who is one the first few andrologists in the country.
First in the batch
He fell for Kiran almost immediately. “Eager anticipation and excitement, of course. Kiran and I started as friends right from that admission day, and it soon turned into more. We were the first ‘couple’ to hook up, in our whole batch. Other pairs followed soon,” recalls Sudhakar.
They knew from day one that they are in love. “Sudhakar and I have known each other for over forty years now. After we graduated we worked in Mumbai for a year and moved to Hyderabad to pursue our respective careers, him in andrology and sexual medicine and, me in pediatrics,” says Dr Kiran.
Quick passing
If they can store up only one hour’s worth of memory in their mind, which hour would it be? Sudhakar says, “To be honest, I dislike functions and ceremonies, and don’t pay much heed or importance to them. I was waiting impatiently for these to end as fast as possible, even winking at the priest to hurry up! The only hour I’d like to remember is the last one when the solemnisation occurred and we were pronounced man and wife. I was excited about starting to live together with my wife as a nuclear unit. Just she and I and later the children,” and Kiran adds, “The saat pheras and the excitement about starting my life with the man I’d been dating for over seven years.”
The man, whose name has become synonymous with andrology in the country, was he nervous about getting married? “I was. About how my friends would pull my leg about this whole wedding thing! You see, I was the first ‘bakra’ in our bunch getting married. The guys couldn’t have enough,” he says.
But for Kiran it was pure joy and excitement. “Maybe I was young and naïve and smitten, but I wasn’t at all nervous about anything. The exchanging of garlands... Something so sweet and touching about it. And the look of pure joy on my mum’s face,” recall Kiran.
Marriage lessons
Dr Sudhakar, who is also the brother of actress Suchitra Krishnamurti, feels that there are many, many things he has learned from his marriage. “I am still learning. Most lessons are taught to me by the wife. Unconditional love.”
Kiran says, “That it is not easy to live with another human being and that love conquers everything. Sudhakar is a wonderful husband, partner and friend. And a great father too. I love his intelligence, his sense of humour, his dependability, his honesty and integrity and many many other things.”
Sudhakar and Kiran believe that one needs to put in effort to maintain their relationship. They feel, “Nothing in marriage is easy. It needs continuous focus. It takes hard work and constant focus to keep a marriage alive. By keeping love unconditional. No matter what. It works for us.”
Providing enough space
One of the key things to any happy relationship is getting some space. It could help keep the spark alive in a relationship. “Fortunately I don’t think I’ve ever needed to ‘do’ anything specific to ‘keep’ myself in love. We are very lucky that it comes quite naturally. And it is not like we don’t have our disagreements. But we overcome them by trying to separate the issue (responsible for the disagreement) from the individual. The friendship and the bond are so strong that it doesn’t seem difficult,” Kiran adds.
Patch up ASAP. Don’t prolong it.
— DR Sudhakar
Our own formula
Almost 40 years of being together and two children later, the couple still treats each day like it is their first date. So whose marriage do they consider to be a model marriage? “Ours. It’s hard to get better than this,” smiles Sudhakar and Kiran chips in, “I don’t think any marriage can be the model. It’s all about what works for a particular couple. And yes, ours works great for us.” They have two daughters – Ulrika (29) and Aria (23). Ulrika was last seen as the young, feisty Malathi in Nagesh Kukunoor’s Rockford.
Marriage over self
With so many marriages falling apart, the couple suggests, “Focus on your marriage, the same way you focus on your children and work. It is important to place the institution (of marriage) above the self. Nothing works better than the honest and deep desire and determination to be together till ‘death do us apart’”
When Kiran and Sudhakar are together, it’s clear that they take pleasure even in the little things that help keep them together. Those little gestures of affection - that they still care for one another. “Mixed blessing, companionship, someone to share the good and the bad with.”