We are all familiar with the
butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling when there is a new person in our life. While many possibilities open their doors, the initial dating phase can entail many anxious moments too. Is he worth your time and effort? Is he ready for a long term run? We ask a few women of the world about the relationship flags that every woman should look out for.
Jhansi
TV anchor, actor and wellness guru
People start power play in relationships when they become insecure. Aggression stems from insecurity. It can start from seemingly innocuous questions like “Who are you talking to?” and “why didn’t you reply to my message when you were online?” These might look very trivial, but one has to see that these patterns don’t repeat. The second important area is the power play on finances.
Though young women of this generation are more aware about financial planning, I have found that the new-found financial freedom sometimes leads them to spend more money on their partners. Instead of following a democratic approach, the women are pampering men, which is leading to an imbalance in the relationship. In many cases, I have seen that only the women are paying EMIs for their houses, and they are doing this to fill some void in the relationship. This is a red flag everyone should look out for.
Abhimanika yadavBeauty pageant winner, fitness expert
Women get motionally connected and start compromising on several things until they reach the saturation point. Balance is the key in any relationship. Also, a person should always be willing to support his partner in all endeavours, especially if she has no support from other quarters. A partner’s support works as a major confidence booster for anyone. It is also necessary that both the partners are equally involved in bringing up children. In most cases, women are expected to take care of children, housework, and in case of working women, their jobs too. I often hear the men asking why they should take part in household chores when they are already earning a living. It is crucial that people sort these issues before settling down, and list their priorities. In fact, the tide is slowly changing, I am seeing men who take care of the children when the mothers have to stay in another city for work.
I have also noticed that people have little patience to listen to each other nowadays. In today’s age of double-income families, everyone is busy and has very low tolerance for others’ grievances. People are focussed only on their own problems. This is true for other relationships too including father-son, mother-daughter, siblings etc. Another issue that I have seen is that partners become jealous when one of them receives attention, especially for his/her work. I believe that instead of exhibiting jealousy, partners should be proud of each other.
Swapna Sundari News presenter, RJ, singer
There is no universal rule that can be applied to all relationships. You have to trust your gut instinct. If you feel there is something wrong, then most of the time it is true. If you feel that the person is not being himself lately, or notice some unusual behaviour, you must pay attention to it. Secondly, in case of finances, relationship experts say that it is always wise to divide expenses equally, but I have seen people happy in relationships where one partner is contributing more than the other. In these cases, the other person often contributes something that’s not tangible.
I have often wondered about how we should we define love, and have found that it’s only in times of crisis that we can see someone’s true colours. Adversity is a test to see if the person cares for you. Anyone can be there by your side on a good day, but only a true lover will be there on the bad days.When two persons start dating, it is necessary that both the parties lay down their expectations from each other.
I would prefer a person to be transparent about his life irrespective of the situation he is in. If the person hides something, it is a red flag. But you can set your expectations only when you know yourself well. Relationships are mirrors where you get to know yourself more, because when you start struggling with them, you will slowly figure out who you are. I also believe that friendship is the foundation of all great relationships. Partners can see each other in their worst phases only when they are friends.
kakoli_mukherjee@newindianexpress.com @KakoliMukherje2