HYDERABAD: Strife and conflict exist in every corner of the earth. The animal world has conflicts, humans get involved in conflicts, even our mind is conflicted many times. It could be ideological, value-based, belief-based, behavioural, interpersonal or intrapersonal, but we invariably have disagreements, sometimes fatal ones, with each other. This piece focuses on conflict in families and interpersonal relationships.
Psychological research and clinical experience state that relationships become stronger and more loving when they embark on a journey of healing through conflict resolution. But resolution takes patience and perseverance. It also involves giving yourself the gift of transcendence, the gift of rising above the issue at hand, the humility to accept that you could be wrong and the liberation and relief that comes with resolving an issue. The process of resolving a conflict can also lead to building emotional resilience, which in turn builds knowledge. “Fights begin and end with handshakes” (Cameron Conaway), but the truce must be true.
In families that don’t fight at all, there is still conflict, hidden under layers of sublimation, sarcasm, neglect or silence. In families that fight, the fights can be hurtful and violent. I have often noticed in my clinical experience that a couple consists of four entities — you, me, your ego and my ego. And many a times, we are the innocent bystanders to the bullfight between our egos, leaving us torn, ragged and conflicted.
Let us admit to ourselves that we are all going to be neck-deep in relationship-based conflicts all our lives. It is a fundamental fact of human life, but steeping ourselves in the need for resolution, the need to move past issues and forgive ourselves and each other makes the relationship stronger, stand on firmer ground and our attachments, sense of security and belonging improve.
Resolution is a destination that many don’t reach. Many a couple have faced irreparable differences and are forced to part under excruciating and horrifying conditions, which leave one embittered for life. Embrace your differences and move towards unconditional acceptance of your partner. It may not resolve every conflict, but makes seeking resolution worthwhile.
The author is a mental health professional and psychotherapist at Dhrithi Wellness Clinic
The first steps to resolving conflicts