Each time when there is break-up in a romantic link-up or an instance of unrequited(‘one-way’) love, the male partner in the relationship often finds it incredibly difficult to take ‘no’ for an answer. And the male ego badly hurt by the girl’s refusal -- ‘dumping’ -- prompts the jilted/ love-obsessed partner to wreak vengeance by harming her. Well, this could be the reason why girls are hesitant to reject a love plea outright.
“Instead of directly saying ‘no’, girls make statements like ‘I am already in a relationship’, ‘Let’s just be friends’, ‘ Right now I’m not interested in a relationship,’ or ‘Let’s become united in the next birth, “ says Renju S, who studies in a Kochi college. The girls cannot be faulted for this, according to her. “Even I am scared to say no to the person directly because if he is rubbed the wrong way then he might well harbour a grudge against me and wreak vengeance by throwing acid on my face, rape or murder me,” Renju adds.
Athira, a literature student, said the real tragedy here is despite the girl making clear her lack of interest in the person who proposes to her, the latter fails to get the message.
“He keeps on stalking the girl, seeks the help of her friend to convince her to change the mind. Sometimes, he constantly troubles her by sending any number of messages,” says Athira.
Cause and effect
These sort of violent reactions can be directly attributed to society’s patriarchal mindset, says Yadhu Krishna, a journalism student.
“Boys simply cannot put up with the reality of their love plea being turned down by the ‘object of their desire’. This is especially so if it happens to be the first proposal, which leaves them deeply humiliated and mentally shattered. To assuage the hurt, they take to intoxicants including drugs. It’s in an intoxicated state that these horrific crimes are committed,” he said.
Growing up
Prakash Chandra, psychologist, said generally girls during their teenage accept a proposal, owing to the formative age and peer pressure, even if they are not interested in it. “When the reality dawns on them that they have indeed made a mistake, they try to claw their way out of the relationship. This results in the partner seeking to wreak revenge on her,” he said.
Bluntness, the key?
Kishore employed with a private firm in Kochi said instead of merely dropping hints, women should be blunt and say ‘no’ if they are not interested.
Cushioning effect
Prakash also suggests that girls should confide in their immediate family members when a crisis hits. “Parents should try to understand children rather than overreact to situations. Scolding them will make lead to a feeling of guilt. If necessary they should seek the help of a psychologist,” he adds.