KOCHI: The fear of loneliness leads many people into marriage, including the young. Societally, assumptions about the elderly, as well as overall ease with brushing their existences and needs under the carpet, can keep them from seeking partnership later in life. A few weeks ago, a 73-year-old retired teacher in Mysuru put out a classifieds ad for a spouse and found a willing 69-year-old suitor, as well as derision.
Speaking to regional media, she shared that she had experienced ridicule, even through phone calls, following the ad. She also said that she had undergone a traumatic divorce at some point, which had kept her from wanting to find a partner again despite her loneliness until fears around her health and mobility made her understand it as a practical need. I find her honesty courageous, and I hope things work out between her and her potential spouse.
We are a long way away from societies in which meaningful support and adequate resources are built into the foundational infrastructure, and loneliness is an intangible that cannot always be addressed through such frameworks. Her decision to come forward and put a heartfelt call out for companionship is courageous, too. It is not easy to do this, at any age. There’s a dampener on this story, however. The retired teacher had a caste requirement for her late-life partner. She had been able to work through hurdles relating to age and other stigmas, but held on to her prejudice.
This is just as it was some years ago when a famous matrimonial ad for a gay man that stated a blatant caste “preference” ruined what could have been a welcome step forward in the right direction. But this is the only judgment we can make without having been in her shoes. The truth is, though, that many of us do walk in similar shoes. The unhappily partnered. The technically, but not meaningfully, secure. The abandoned.
Then, simply and not so simply, unpartnered. While hoping to be unobtrusive (mainly because I was aware I was projecting a bit), I’ve tried to imbibe lessons from some elderly people who led solitary lives. I often contemplate those lessons, now that they are gone.
The Chennai-based author writes poetry, fiction & more