KOCHI: As the rains finally wash away the heat of summer across the country, we have begun to feel a sense of love in the air. In some cities across India, there is also a wave of excitement that’s rippling through the atmosphere as people eagerly anticipate the arrival of a man who has inspired millions around the world with his message of personal growth, mindfulness and positivity. This man is Jay Shetty — a bestselling author, host of the On Purpose podcast and a ‘purpose coach’ who thinks India is a fantastic place to share modern ideas about love rooted in ancient wisdom.
If you are someone who loves binge-watching YouTube videos that talk about positivity, lifestyle and time management, you probably have watched a few videos by Jay Shetty who has over 4.6 million subscribers on YouTube and crores of followers on various social media platforms. And now, this modern-age monk is bringing his transformative message to our shores with his Love Rules World Tour, by BookMyShow, where in 90-minute sessions, he hopes to also bring forth bits and pieces from his recently published book, 8 Rules of Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go.
With his personal experiences and the lessons he has learned from ancient wisdom and modern-day science, Jay is all set to share his insights on love and relationships as he guides us on a journey to discover the keys to finding love and happiness in the digital age. We catch up with Jay ahead of his tour to get insights about what he has to offer to his loyal fans on this tour.
What inspired you to take up the Love Rules World Tour and what can one expect?
Honestly, I always knew I wanted to write a book about love and relationships because it is something that’s so essential to living a fulfilled life. Many assumed that after the COVID-19 lockdowns that everything would go back to normal, but what is normal? So many of us still continue to feel lonely or isolated and scared of starting a new relationship. What I want to be clear about is that I don’t mean to say that you have to have a partner to be fulfilled, but that it is important to experience love in your life. Love can be experienced in so many ways, it can start within yourself, come from service or even acts of kindness towards people around you and if you are giving love, that means you are experiencing it. At the Love Rules World Tour, audiences can expect an interactive experience filled with insight, stories and wisdom. I’ll be taking audience questions which I’m really excited about! India is my spiritual home, so, I feel honoured to be touring here to give back to a place that has given me so much.
The tour is focused on the theme of love, why do you believe that this is such an important topic to address, especially in today’s world?
One of the biggest misconceptions people have is that when you’re with the right person, or you’re in a healthy relationship, it means you won’t argue. The truth is that no matter how compatible a couple is, if you never fight, that’s not bliss, that’s avoidance. It’s all about learning how to fight effectively, in a way that’s healthy and where you both feel heard. Research shows that when it’s done in this way, conflict actually leads to stronger relationships, because it provides you with opportunities to learn more about one another and to work through things together and that strengthens your bond.
You will be visiting several cities in India during the tour. How do you think the message of ‘Love Rules’ will resonate with audiences?
I think India is such a fantastic place to share modern ideas about love rooted in ancient wisdom. I believe that these ideas will resonate as so many young people today are trying to navigate self-love, dating, breakups and relationships.
You have also talked about the importance of self-love and cultivating healthy relationships...
I say that in solitude, we practise giving ourselves what we need before we expect it from someone else. People often say they’re looking for their better half, but then, does that make you the worse half? That’s not a great way to begin. You don’t want to feel dependent on another person for love or to feel good about yourself. I get it — spending time alone is really hard for a lot of people. In one study, people chose to administer an electric shock to themselves rather than sit with their own thoughts. But when we learn to appreciate ourselves, we’re never really alone — we’re always with someone we love. And that’s the energy we want to bring to our relationships.
How has your background as a monk helped you discover yourself and what are some key lessons you think people can learn from that lifestyle?
I learned so much as a monk, which is why the idea of sharing ancient wisdom became so compelling for me. I would say one of the greatest tools I gained was a sense of equanimity — of experiencing lows or highs and being able to come back to the centre and really operate from there. It’s like when a tennis player has to run to one side of the court to hit a ball; afterwards, they automatically return to the centre because that’s the best vantage point from which to receive the next shot. The thing is, we often feel this pressure like we’re supposed to be positive and happy all the time and if we’re not, we’ve somehow failed. So, we’re always trying to get back to those highs. But really, where we want to be most of the time is in the middle, because when we live primarily in a space of equanimity, the highs and lows don’t affect us so dramatically. We have a sense of urgency because whatever happens, we can always come back to the centre.
Is there a place that has left an indelible impression on how you view life, love and relationships?
I became a monk because the happiest and most fulfilled person I’d ever met in life was a monk and I wanted that for myself. In college, I went to see a monk speak and though he’d been to a great college and had loads of opportunities, he’d chosen to become a monk because he believed that’s what would give him the kind of life he wanted. He wanted authenticity, he wanted to be of service and so on.
Everything he described just resonated with me. I was inspired. It’s funny because in the book I sort of challenge this idea of love at first sight, but the irony is that’s kind of what happened to me that day. I fell in love. And the reason I’m sharing this is that we tend to focus so much on romantic love, but there really are so many kinds of love out there; it’s everywhere, really! I know that today many people feel lonely or disconnected and I understand that. What I’m trying to help people realise is that we’re missing out if we limit ourselves to pursuing or developing just one kind of love.
You have also spoken about the role of community and social connections in promoting well-being. What are some strategies for building and nurturing those relationships, both online and offline?
I think we often think there’s one right way for love to look. The reality is that relationships can look a million different ways and still be healthy and successful. It comes down to what works for each couple.
What is the one relationship lesson you not only preach but follow too?
We often think that love is about romance and we get fixated on the idea that there’s this one person out there who’s supposed to supply love for us. But there are so many ways to experience it. With friends and family, with colleagues, with animals and with nature. Even with strangers, through service. We focus on where we can get love, but the truth is that anytime you want to experience love, you can simply share it.
Jay Shetty travels across the country this week, as part of the Love Rules World Tour where he hopes to have interactive sessions with the audience and will share tips around modern dating and relationships…