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KOCHI: According to the United Nations, sexual abuse means the actual or threatened physical intrusion of a sexual nature whether by force or under unequal or coercive conditions. It’s any sexual behaviour or act on a person without consent. It’s an act of violence a perpetrator uses against a person he perceives as weaker.
A large majority of such incidents happen against women and children. However, many of them find it hard to move forward after going through the harrowing and intrusive experience. Let’s examine one incident.
Victim complex
Recently, I came across a 34-year-old patient, Archana (some changes have been made to protect her identity). She was persuaded by her supervisor at the workplace to seek the help of a psychiatrist as her boss observed her to be gloomy for the past six months. She found that her very productive employee had started losing efficiency at work. Archana was showing all the symptoms of clinical depression. During the initial consultation, she denied any trigger factors. However, after a few sessions, she opened up about her experience.
Archana had a close male friend from their family friendship circle. He was friends with both her and her husband. When her husband and daughter were away during a holiday, this man visited her. The friendly behaviour during that visit changed to sexual advances and abuse.
The man apologised for what he did and warned the shocked and numb Archana of the consequences she would have to face if she disclosed the crime to her husband. This silencing strategy employed by all perpetrators worked here too. She started blaming herself and feeling guilty. She was also angry and tried hard to cope. In tears, Archana told me, she feels like she is destined to suffer the trauma life long. She couldn’t find a way out.
This is the mindset most victims fall into. How can the personal journey from the position of a victim to a survivor be facilitated?
Confusion to clarity
Once a person going through the trauma of sexual abuse starts believing that they are a powerless victim, the mind gets flooded with many confusions. For questions of why this happened, answers will be filled with self-criticisms that society has often scripted for women. The first step to being a survivor is to be clear that it was never your fault and be more focused on protecting emotional well-being.
ESTRANGEMENT TO SELF-AWARENESS
Sustained victimhood makes one believe that they have become worthless, as they went through sexual abuse. There is a need to repair the damaged self-esteem. Be aware of the positives in oneself to avoid falling into estrangement.
POOR COPING SKILLS TO RESILIENCE
Positioning oneself as a victim may weaken focus on other priorities in life. That may even lower frustration tolerance and generate a lot of negative emotions like anger, anxiety and depression. It’s important not to drown in the trauma of sexual abuse. Gather energy to invest in life after trauma, seek help and strive to find determination to live life to the fullest.
ENTRAPMENT TO EMPOWERMENT
There is no need to be trapped in an inner world of despair. Even the perpetrator might try to take advantage of this.
Sexual abuse will never make anyone powerless for the rest of life. Resist being in a negative mindset. Rededicate to life with full vigour to be a proud survivor.
SELF ACCEPTANCE
The prolongation of victim status reinforces feelings of shame. Social scripting imposes such thoughts in women after sexual abuse. If one gets hooked on this, other negative thoughts that threaten positive self-image will snowball in the mind. The self remains whole with all its strengths even in trauma. Accept this and move on.
The victim complex is rooted in unfair social perceptions about women. Many internalise this unknowingly creating blocks in the process of healing. Too much of a victim complex may hinder survivorship and weaken the courage to fight against the perpetrator.
(The author is a senior psychiatrist at Medical Trust Hospital, Kochi)