Last week, I received an interesting query as to why we feel hurt when someone close to us passes a comment on us, but don’t feel so when a stranger does the same. The question was indeed thought provoking, driving me to contemplate and come out with proper reasoning. When a friend starts ignoring you, when a relationship ends, when you get unfriended or blocked on a social networking site, when you hear a touchy critical remark from a close one, get snapped at by buddies, or face a close one’s demise, it surely hurts. The pain is traumatising and takes longer time to heal than a physical wound. Here are some tips to deal with it:
1) Observe and identify your emotions: Feeling hurt is normal, therefore simply try to observe it and identify the cause. Knowing the exact reason behind it is important.
2) Don’t try to mask it: Allow the feeling of pain to exist, do not try to pretend that it doesn’t, rather respect your emotion; every individual with a heart has the right to feel hurt.
3) Deal with it: Instead of trying to cure the pain, try to face it and deal with it step by step. Respect your emotion and don’t try to push yourself to get over it. Allow the pain to subside in its own way, but don’t make it a focal point of your life. Remember, time is the best healer.
4) Spend time with yourself: The more time you spend with yourself, the sooner you will heal. Never forget that you are your best friend, and what you can do for yourself, no one else can. Pray, meditate, talk to yourself, or write down your feelings, the identified cause, the depth of pain and how it can be cured. Once your emotions are poured out, your heart feels lighter and solutions come up naturally.
5) Talk to a companion but within limits: Talking to a close companion helps a lot, but not if the person doesn’t respect your emotions. Don’t let anyone tell you that your feelings are not real, don’t allow anyone to push you out of it or force you to let go of it.
6) Develop a learning attitude: Accept that hard times teach us to be stronger, and endurance enhances our capacity to tolerate. These times are lessons in life that will be fruitful in the long run. So, learn from them.
7) Divert your mind to different activities: It is alright to feel sad, but don’t dwell on it. Try out a new hobby, listen to music, go out with friends or try travelling. When the mind gets engrossed in a new adventure, it starts soothing the pain.
8) List the things you are thankful for: Try listing out the things you should be grateful for, even if its food, clothing and shelter. Be thankful for what you have and try being less sad about what you don’t have.
9) Review your past and future: Review your past life, your future goals and reason out the impact of your present pain on them. Analyse the intensity of how it will shape your future life. Try new solutions for a better living.
10) Love yourself: Loving yourself helps you overcome grief. A combination of love, self confidence, positive attitude and self reliance can work its magic to heal your pain.
Paramita Mishra holds a PhD in Environmental Biology, and has been associated with teaching Communicative English and Personality Development for nine years now. She can be contacted at mishra.paramita@gmail.com