Coach calling

These were the pick of the queries received via WhatsApp and answered by life coach Adarsh Basavaraj. Keep them coming!

Published: 30th January 2017 06:00 AM  |   Last Updated: 28th January 2017 03:26 AM   |  A+A-

Express News Service

I think I’m a failure. I studied a professional graphics course. At 34, I don’t have a good job like my friends     Job Slob

Comparison is not going to get you anywhere but will make you a cribber. Remember! You’re in a field which is CREATIVE. A majority of creative fields have immense opportunities to be freelancers and they earn pretty well. But it depends on how good you are at designing. If you did this JUST FOR THE HECK OF IT, it’s high time you develop an interest in it! Approach good placement consultants and search for the right opportunities.

People tell me that I’m childish. I’m teased a lot and people call me a kid. What do I do? How to become mature?   Tantrum Time

People calling you immature might be because of the way you are reacting to people when they are teasing you. Another possibility might be a situation wherein some character of yours is actually making people around you perceive that you’re too kiddish, this is making them pick on you all the time. Ignore the comments that they pass and rather than trying to explain how you’re feeling which is no point... Just SMILE and say “YES! This is how I am and I ENJOY BEING LIKE THIS.” After some time you can even tell them, that YOU LOVE ALL THE ATTENTION that you’re getting when everyone is teasing you and love being popular. Also, take this up as a challenge and work towards some sort of an accomplishment with dedication and focus. The more hurt you get when you remember how you were teased, the more JOSH you should get to work towards that goal. Once you achieve, then we’ll see who teases whom. You’ll become a ROLE MODEL while they realise how they have wasted their time. You’re LIVING FOR YOURSELF, not for anyone else. As long as you’re focussed on achieving, whatever the whole world around you says shouldn’t matter.

I’m an optometrist. I’m single, I stay alone and no one’s with me because everyone’s busy with their lives.        Lonely Ranger

Has it ever occurred to you that you’ve somehow gotten used to a specific routine which might have been optimal at the time when you started, but your priorities are different now? In some cases, people forget or ignore the SOCIAL ASPECT of life while looking for FINANCIAL STABILITY. This happens as we fail to balance priorities and get too involved.
You’ll need to slowly and steadily break the pattern and socialise. The first step is to reconnect with your old friends and catch up with them. In parallel, become a member of a CLUB nearby, play pool, shuttle, go swimming or whatever you’re interested in. Plan regular trips to meet your family during weekends rather than just complaining about it. I think it’s also the perfect time for you to consider getting married since you’re pretty settled.

I passed class XII in 2016 and dropped this year due to financial issues. I want to study and be independent.Help needed

The first priority for you is to start earning irrespective of what you want to take up. The best way to get a part-time job. I would strongly suggest you try with companies like Domino’s, KFC, Café Coffee Day etc. Courier and logistics companies are your second option. You can even ask your friends who live in cities to give you references. Work for some time, SAVE MONEY and always remember WHY you started this journey in the first place. After you’re a little comfortable, search for colleges which offer the courses that you’re interested in and join in. You’ll have to plan accordingly, if you get into a normal college, you’ll have to work in the evenings.

When people talk to me most of the time, I don’t understand them. How do I improve my listening skills?           Listen Up

I’d definitely suggest you to take an opinion from an ENT Specialist to rule out any issues with your hearing.
If you’re clear on the medical front, then you’re just experiencing a temporary phase in which your senses are out of tune. This generally happens to students who isolate themselves into a very silent and disturbance free environment in order to focus better.
If the above two scenarios don’t relate to you, then there is a possibility that you’re highly pre-occupied and distracted with thoughts. These thoughts have gotten you so involved that you’re out in sync with your environment. The only solution is to be more aware. The best two ways that has worked wonders is to either clench your fists without making the other person aware or to lightly pinch yourself in a discrete manner when you’re having a conversation with others.

How to maintain relations with my brother who has a dominant wife?  Family Time

This is a sensitive situation that needs to be handled carefully. The first question is whether your brother is really interested in maintaining the relationship? Apart from this, there’s a lot of other factors that also need to be considered willing is your brother to make an effort to make it work, Whether she is REALLY dominant or not and lastly how strong her influence is on your brother.
Once you’ve figured out these aspects and if it’s in your favour, your brother needs to first have an honest talk with his wife and make her understand the importance of maintaining the relationship that both of you share. The importance of family harmony has to made clear by even making it a point of how she would feel it was the other way around. He has to be a better judge and put across his point assertively in such a manner that his wife understands. The next approach is to find out why she’s not allowing this to happen and sort it out calmly.

Lonely, I am so loooooonely... I have...

I have many ideas in my mind but I’m unable to try them out. What could be the reason?                                     Stuck Geek

The most simple answer to your question is that you’re too FICKLE MINDED. You might have so many options or ideas to choose from and you’re not able to decide what to pursue first. It might also be because you’re feeling the same level of excitement about every idea or are worried that every idea may not work. Both of which, YOU SHOULD NOT DO now.  The only advice is to choose the best idea out of all the ones that you have in your mind. If you have on difficulty deciding, write down each idea in a page along with their Pros and Cons.

I am diverted from studies because of Clash of Clans. But right now I want to focus on my studies. What do I do?     Gamer Boy

Games are definitely addictive. Especially CLASH OF CLANS. The problem arises when you’re not able to differentiate between RECREATION and ADDICTION. Since you’re already aware that you need to focus on your studies, you should also be able to understand that. Games aren’t important right now. Your CLAN and your group can wait. But not your studies. Think about it, would you want to repent NOT STUDYING for the rest of your life? Also remember, the people who are smart might be very careful and would’ve only dedicated a PARTICULAR TIME to play and would study when they have to. So you need to balance your studies and playing too. Allot a specific time, especially when you need a break and ensure that you STICK TO IT.

I have friends, but I still feel isolated. I don’t share my  feelings with anyone. What should I do?                    Lost in Isolation

We’re all SOCIAL BEINGS. We definitely need to express our thoughts or ideas to SOMEONE for our BALANCED WELL BEING. SUPPRESSIONS lead to NO EXPRESSIONS. This leads to DEPRESSION. You need to definitely figure out someone who you can trust with your feelings, it’ll help. The best thing you could do is to MAINTAIN A DIARY. Write everything in it, but ensure that you keep it safe and secure. Once you’ve developed this habit, you’ll also find yourself more relaxed and relieved. Once you’re there, focus on some hobby that will interest you.

Confused about where your life is going, what to do next, how to handle life’s curveballs or where to get great relationship advice? Never fear, The Coach is here. Life guru Adarsh Basavaraj will answer all your queries on WhatsApp! So what are you waiting for? Total anonymity will also be extended on request, and select queries will be answered in Edex

That’s Right! We’re Now Available on     WhatsApp Too!  +91 73580 29990
(You can also send in your selfies, opinions, contest replies and feedback via WhatsApp)

Stay up to date on all the latest Edex news with The New Indian Express App. Download now
(Get the news that matters from New Indian Express on WhatsApp. Click this link and hit 'Click to Subscribe'. Follow the instructions after that.)


Disclaimer : We respect your thoughts and views! But we need to be judicious while moderating your comments. All the comments will be moderated by the editorial. Abstain from posting comments that are obscene, defamatory or inflammatory, and do not indulge in personal attacks. Try to avoid outside hyperlinks inside the comment. Help us delete comments that do not follow these guidelines.

The views expressed in comments published on are those of the comment writers alone. They do not represent the views or opinions of or its staff, nor do they represent the views or opinions of The New Indian Express Group, or any entity of, or affiliated with, The New Indian Express Group. reserves the right to take any or all comments down at any time.

flipboard facebook twitter whatsapp