HYDERABAD : Recently South African-American Hollywood star Charlize Theron asserted that she is not ashamed to talk about her mum killing her father in self-defence. The 44-year-old actress went through a traumatic childhood of domestic abuse because of an alcoholic father who once fired at her and her mom with a loaded gun while stone-drunk. In selfdefence, the mother killed the husband and father of her child. Mother and daughter survived the trauma. The Oscar-winning actor is now a household name. Charlize Theron isn’t the only one who has witnessed such abuse.
There are several other people in several countries, cities, towns, villages and neighbourhoods who have gone through severe domestic abuse at the hands of their parents, siblings or other close family members. But they refused to be victims and chose to fight the abuse. They found love and starting their own families. But how difficult it must be to go through abuse at the hands of your dear ones, fight them and then battle with the shock residue of such bitter experiences? “When you witness violence every day as a three-year-old, you end up thinking that it is normal which is nefarious in itself. But some part of you can’t accept it, it tries to fight back.
One fine day, you just rebel when you can’t take it anymore. And that’s when you realise you have to let it all go for rebuilding a new you,” says Manisha Gupta, 26, who escaped from the hands of an abusive mother at her home in Sitamarhi, Bihar. She used to be beaten ever since she could remember because she was the unwanted daughter, and the mother after being beaten by her husband, would vent it all on her daughter, blaming her for all her troubles.
“At the age of 14, I ran away from my home and sought shelter at a distant relative’s home. I smelled trouble there, left to work as a domestic help for a school teacher, who after hearing my story decided to help and funded my education. I have moved to different cities and towns and am finally here in Hyderabad working as a science teacher in a private school.” She also counsels women, especially young girls in distress. It isn’t the women alone who have been in trouble at the domestic front. Ahmed Sardar, 23, came to Hyderabad from Firozpur, Uttar Pradesh along with his father who used to beat him up every day, making him work hard at a tea stall that he ran.
“At times, I used to be the parent of my father when he would be drunk. I’d wipe his vomit, get him hot lemon water and clean the mess,” he says, adding that he lost his mother when he was just five. He is now finishing studyi n g a c - count ing from IndiraGandhi National Open University and is also interning with a firm. “I can’t say I completely escaped the situation. One day after beating me black and blue for no reason, my father left for our ancestral village and never came back.
I accepted it as my fate and have moved on,” he shares. Is it just the willpower of the survivors which gives them courage? Jameela Nishat, activist-author and founder of Shaheen Women’s Resource and Welfare Association, says,“It’s the courage which helps the victims rise against their oppressors. It’s also the awareness which NGOs create that their will doubles up and they decide to fight against it.” One of the survivors of domestic violence, 17-year-old Sana Ahmed of Hasan Nagar, escaped from home and started life afresh. She was an orphan brought up by her grandmother who not only abused her physically and mentally, but also pushed her into flesh trade.
“I escaped and would often sleep inside auto-rickshaws parked near streets. It’s when I came into contact with the NGO Shaheen that I understood that I had taken the right decision.” She’s now studying and has been rehabilitated. Radhika, a 19-year-old student, had an abusive alcoholic father who’d beat the wife and the child and even tried to sexually abuse the daughter. She realised that enough was enough, encouraged the mother to file for a divorce and took up a job for financial support.
“When she came for counseling, her personality was scarred and her self esteem was shattered. But several months of counseling and survival techniques restored her confidence,” says Sangeetha Kosuru, psychologist practising at Srinagar colony. The mental health professional adds, “It’s the spirit of human beings to fight what’s not right. And it’s the hope for a better tomorrow which takes them ashore.” True, indeed. —saima@newindianexpress @Sfreen