Many couples of many different natures and personalities come to see Amma. Most of them seem to only have problems. Many of these problems start with just small matters. If the wife or husband had just been a little patient, they could have been avoided altogether. Both the husband and wife enter marriage hoping to receive love from each other. In this way, they are like two beggars, longing for love. They have forgotten that the easiest way to receive love is by giving love.
Some people have love within them, but when difficult situations arise they completely lose their self-control. They then act and speak without awareness. If your spouse is like this, you should deal with them with extreme patience. If you also become angry, then things will only get worse. Both lives will become shattered.
Especially if one’s spouse suffers from depression, then the other partner should be very careful to treat him or her lovingly.
If mutual understanding and patience is not there, divorce could even result. Without these, even if you decide to remarry, you will just experience the same problems again. Every individual has some imperfections; no one is perfect. No marriage can work without patience.
Amma remembers a story. Once, there was a businessman who was addicted to gambling at the horse races. He could not control himself and lost all of his money, and ran his business into the ground. He told his wife and asked her what they should do. She said, “Stop gambling. We will move forward with what we have.”
The husband promised to stop, but then said, “You also have to do one thing. From today onwards, you should stop spending money on expensive clothes. We can’t afford it anymore.”
The wife agreed. She then said, “But how will we pay our driver? You know driving. Do we really need a driver?”
The husband agreed. “You’re right. I will drive myself.” Then the husband said, “Since we have so little money now, do we really need a cook? If you can prepare the meals, I will help you as much as possible.”
The wife agreed.
Thus they shared the responsibilities and sacrificed together. Cutting down on unnecessary expenses, soon they were able to recover all the money the husband had lost and they eventually became successful again.
Children, we must learn to adopt the same attitude as this couple. The hearts of couples should become one.
Never speak harshly to one another. Never scold each other, saying, “Who are you to tell me what to do?” If you want your marriage to be successful, mutual cooperation and patience are essential. Disagreements are normal in a married life, but that doesn’t mean there has to be hissing and shouting.
Love is the substratum of our lives. Consciously or unconsciously, we are ignoring this and, as a result, we experience a lot of difficulties in life. The real wealth of a family is the love they share. A husband and wife must open their hearts to one another. They should share their thoughts and emotions. They both must learn to recognise each other’s faults and then try to help each other overcome them.
When mutual love and trust increase, problems in married life will decrease. Life will become blissful. Amma prays that all of her children are able to love each other and eventually experience their oneness.
The writer is a world-renowned spiritual leader