India is just about making peace with its spinsters. Women who never marry are ‘stubborn’ and ‘over-educated’, poor things, but there is still hope. An octogenarian bachelor may chance upon them some day—who doesn’t need help with the bedpan? But those who walk out of marriages are still an unpleasant mystery. What? Why? When? Did they really have to divorce? That woman is a drama queen, I tell you.
It’s in our DNA to dump widows in religious kennels because they are such a bad omen and, oh, which idiot abolished Sati in the first place? Widowers just marry the younger sister of late wife so it is win-win for all—kids looked after by aunt, free husband for sister etc. Widows were always another matter and had to be exiled. But voluntary grass widows who choose to live alone—what’s to be done with them?
At dinner parties, table mat etiquette demands paired seating. An extra person just juts out like a sore thumb, bringing out latent marital doubts among other diners. It is feared to be infectious, this ‘let’s leave the spouse’ disease. On cosy evenings no one wants a sudden rant on the side-effects of late-life singlehood. Among old-established couplings the eternal nature of such bonds must be taken for granted; it is the diving board all queue up on to act out any extramarital yearnings.
Divorce is sometimes treated like a tantrum or sulk. Especially if family and friends are not consulted beforehand or given ringside seats to the fracas. They want the details, not a calm decision, cheating them out of their share of gossip. The least you can do in case you are leaving your husband is to give a press conference in your colony. Get the sympathisers rooting for you, put up posters and hold placards declaring your innocence, make it everyone’s business. If the man was an out and out villain, then, ah, we understand. But this measured exit shakes all traditional foundations. Men leave wives; wives never leave. That threatens a delicate ecosystem where the survival of bad marriages is a woman’s job.
A suddenly single woman will find friends disappearing on her, couple invites drying up, and other women tightening grip on husbands in their vicinity. Of course, if it happens to your own daughter/sister, you have a sob story at hand, even if privately you are hoping for a reconciliation for the children’s sake, for her sake, for your own sake really. Most divorcees, when there’s a chill in the air, rightly or wrongly trace it to their inauspiciousness.
Do invite the bad fairy at christenings. You don’t want them to barge in and start cursing.
Shinie Antony
shinieantony@gmail.com
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