All right you bunch of unruly mutts. Stop chasing tails and sniffing bottoms and gather here. You are all now around six months old and at a crucial period of your lives. Depending on what you pick up here and how you apply it in your homes, you will spend the rest of your lives either in misery or happiness. So, pay full attention to the instructions.
By now you must have become aware that your masters are very different from you. For one, they seem to find it more easy to stand on two legs, which is not the case with us. While occasionally they do growl at each other like us and are even known to howl, usually they communicate in a lingo that is incomprehensible to us. What you guys should focus on is the pitch of their voice. If it rises to a shrill tenor, for example when you are chewing on their Gucci shoes, you can conclude that something is wrong.
It will take a lot of patience from you in the beginning while training the master. Take the case of walking. Humans think a walk means bipedalling non-stop around the city block or the park. We canines have a very different take on this activity. We walk with our feet as well as our noses. We have to pause at every tree and streetlight, sniff out who has been there before us and squirt out our signature over theirs. Humans have this urge only when they see a wall.
Here is what you have to do to break in your master to your pattern of walking. As soon as you approach a tree of interest, plant your front paws far apart and come to a sudden halt. The master, who has been trotting on with the leash loosely held in his hand, will feel a wrench on his arm at the shoulder. Repeat this manoeuvre about half-a-dozen times in the course of the walk and within a week he will automatically start pausing before every bush and lamp post.
Another important lesson is making your master feed you titbits between your regular meals but from his regular meal. The best way is to put your muzzle on his lap and look up at him with your eyes wide in an imploring look. That usually is good for a piece or two from his plate.
Of course, there are many other occasions that will give you opportunities to get snacks from your master. Like when he wants you to sit on your haunches and stretch out a paw in front of his guests. All you have to do is ignore him, till he has offered at least two or three pieces of cake or biscuits. If he still persists with his chant of ‘Sit’ and ‘Shake’, you can oblige him with a limp paw. He will be deliriously happy and gladly part with more snacks for you.
Normally, humans, once they go to sleep at night, do not waken till the morning. This can be a problem for us dogs who often need to go in the middle of the night. If your whining does not awaken your master I suggest putting your cold nose right on his cheek and if that does not work, bark into his ear. That can wake up even dead people. A fortnight of such training is sufficient for your master to get up on your first whine and let you out.
Remember, a well-trained master makes for a happy house dog.