Let this column serve as my last will and testament — stating that I, Saumya Chawla, being of sound mind and body, shall be so generous as to share with you a few life-changing tips and products to heal your body; all of which shall be made available on a first-come, first-served basis at my bathroom door, immediately upon my passing.
Are you wondering where this is coming from? Let me get you up to speed. I realised a little while back that I have been tilting my head slightly to the left every day for at least the last 7-8 years. Initially I just thought that my head was just placed on my body incorrectly; but it turns out that my right eye is much stronger than my left eye; and so I tilt to a side like a puppy or that evil looking one-eyed green creature from Monsters Inc.
This meets my unhealthy computer habit (I’m glued to a screen for at least 16 hours a day) and has resulted in a constant, searing pain in my neck and shoulder. It has had a huge negative impact on my life, so I did what any rational human being would do — chalked up a will, and turned to the internet in an attempt to fix myself.
Did you think I was going to say I went to some kind of doctor? Um, I avoid medical attention at all costs, unless it’s my dermatologist. Instead, I’ve been trying out neck-related hardware and popping mum’s pain killers to feel better. My favourite so far? Those U-Shaped pregnancy pillows that feel like you’re sleeping on a cloud. This stupid thing has changed my life since the first time I used it, and I highly recommend you try one out.
I also found a strange foam roller that you can use to give yourself a massage, which is supposed to ease your muscles and relieve pressure. So I made this essential oil cocktail (Peppermint, chamomile, eucalyptus) and went straight for the home-run. There’s just one small detail the packaging missed out on: it also casually chokes you to death. You can buy this off Amazon, but it was extremely unpleasant and if anyone wants it; email me — I’ll gladly send it to you.
Taking a bath in epsom salts is also always a good idea. Just like when my boyfriend stretches my back out; or the time he dug out knots that must have been there since Clikits were a thing. (To be clear: he shall not be made available on a first-come, first-serve basis upon my passing.) Do you guys have any weird medical devices I could test out on myself and my ailing back? Do share! I’m not a doctor, but I obviously enjoy playing one sometimes.
Saumya Chawla
@pixie.secrets
The writer loves to over-share, drink wine & watch period dramas