Kim Kardashian has gone and flashed the wrong dimples this time. Her famous posterior was recently clicked in all its glory, or rather all its non-glory. The rear so padded up by plastic surgeons, the rear always careful to present its best profile to the paparazzi, the rear that kept the rest of Kim from touching the bed when she lay on her back, is no more. Or rather it never was.
The butt that acted in a sex tape, that broke the internet by holding a champagne glass, that burst out of bikinis and thongs and G-strings to reach out to us at all times, got busted by a bunch of undoctored photos.
At least one lakh fans unfollowed Kim on Instagram after she failed to airbrush her Mexican holiday snaps, revealing a bottom as imperfect, ordinary, out of shape and saggy as anyone else’s. Cellulite and fat deposits, lumps and bumps had never been spotted on a Kardashian behind before. And just like that, the world’s most famous butt—40 cm-wide, going by the latest reports—had fallen in everyone’s eyes.
Kim, whose body parts look like they are permanently under a magnifying glass, has since been posing up a storm with her ‘perfect’ skin again. But she only looks like Little Bo Peep who has lost all her social media sheep. Even her latest selfie with the caption ‘Close Up’ was dismissed as ‘Photoshop on fleek’ and ‘fake’.
There were half-hearted murmurs of ‘empowerment’, as if Kim had done it deliberately, given us a peek at her uncensored bits in a ‘so-what?’ feminist way. There were fingers pointed at internet trolls for body-shaming an almost-40 mother of two.
So the question is: are they real or not? Are these implants that will keep her afloat in case of a shipwreck, or is she just a short woman with disproportionate curves? We will never know. But a doctor, rumoured to be her own, has this to say about Kim’s derriere: “It’s very big, maybe too big.”
That perfect backside was a movie we saw, a book we read, a dream we now have to wake up from. It was make-up and photo-shop, smoke and mirrors, lighting and angles, abracadabra. And then came the slip-up. Her tardiness with filters. This Kardashian is just not keeping up!
Following butt-gate, even her musician husband Kanye West refused to go with her to the Met Gala in New York this week, apparently to protest her failure to beautify the booty. That bottom was their bottom-line. It had a separate bank account and was in talks for a reality show of its own.
It worked just as hard as the rest of the K-clan, posing on red carpets and magazine centrefolds. She was supposed to keep an eye on it—always. And not let it run amok au naturel when cameras were around. She was on vacation, her butt was not.
Kim has always carted it wherever she goes, her prime asset, and she continues to do so. It wobbles and bobbles after her like it always has. But if that tush could talk, it would say in a nasal drawl just like its owner’s: “Life is, like, so not peachy anymore.”